Actions Speak Louder Than Words
by snowflakey
Summary: 14 year old Lily Evans is definitely unique. She is sent to Hogwarts to learn how to talk again. Struggling just to get through the day, there is only one person who can cure her, both physically and mentally… -COMPLETE-
1. Meet the Marauders

**A/N: Hi everybody! This is the new and improved version of ASLTW – with the irrelevant notes etc cut out! Hope you enjoy it!**

**This story was inspired by the book _So Much To Tell You _by John Marsden. The character of Lily is based loosley on ****Marina**** from _So Much To Tell You_.**

**I did not make her up. Or any of the other characters you recognise from the Harry Potter series. **

**This story, however, does NOT follow the entire storyline for the book.**

**Chapter One – Meet the Marauders.**

"You turned his broom into a _mosquito!?" _a 14 year old Remus Lupin asked incredulously whilst struggling to hold back sniggers.

"Yep!" said a tall boy with black hair proudly.

"You should have seen the look on his face!" said his partner in crime.

Those two troublemakers just happened to be Sirius Black and James Potter, respectively. Sirius was quite tall, with black hair and brown eyes. He was what almost every girl in the school labelled as "hot". He knew it, too. Although his name suggested your sincere, hardworking kind of guy, his actions definitely contradicted any notion you had of _that._ James Potter was almost the same, except he treated girls better. Not by much though. The two might have been brothers if you didn't know better.

Remus Lupin, on the other hand, was the relatively sensible one of the group. He kept them from being expelled when one of their many pranks went wrong, he was always the one to lend them their study notes... but not that sensible. He too had discovered girls at the end of third year, but at least he let them down gently.

The sound of the boys' loud, raucous laughter woke the fourth occupant of the compartment. Peter Pettigrew lifted his slightly pudgy blonde head and muttered

"Wassat?"

"We just turned Malfoy's broom into a mosquito!" said James. Well actually, he yelled.

Now Lucius Malfoy and his friends, on the other hand, was almost the opposite of James' group, known as the Marauders. Malfoy, Lestranger, Avery and Snape were definitely not people the average person would like to meet in a deserted alleyway in the middle of the night. Malfoy and his group were, of course, in Slytherin, whereas the Marauders were all in Gryffindor, said to be the bravest house.

"And do you know what the best thing was?" shouted Sirius at his normal loud volume.

"What?" asked Peter.

"Malfoy SQUASHED it!" James, Remus and Sirius all burst into laughter, while Peter just said "oh" and went back to sleep.

~*~After dinner, in the Great Hall~*~

After everybody, first year to seventh, was thoroughly fed and watered, Albus Dumbledore stood up.

"Just a quick message, would all fourth years stay after dinner tonight. All of the aforementioned year groaned, most of all the Marauders. "Thankyou," he said sitting down.

"Wonder why…." muttered James.

"Jamie – boy, you think too much!" said Sirius, shovelling even more food down his throat. Apparently 5 three course meals weren't enough for a growing boy.

**A/N: The chapters get a lot longer as you go. **

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. Pretty Green Eyes

**Chapter Two – Pretty Green Eyes**
    
    _ Pretty green eyes, so full of wonder and despair.  
    
      
    
    _
    
    _ It's all right to cry, for I'll be there to wipe your tears._
    
    _ And in your arms, together we're in paradise._
    
    _ It's so nice; you'll never have to be alone._
    
    McGonagall cleared her throat and stood up. The fourth year students fell silent, except for Sirius, who was (still) stuffing his face. 
    
    "This year," she said in a sharp voice, demanding attention. "We will have a new fourth year student."
    
    Many of the Great Hall's occupants began to whisper. It was most unusual to have a student come in at any time other than first year, in fact, there wasn't even an exchange program at Hogwarts. 
    
    "Her name is Lily Evans. Before she comes in to be sorted, there is some very important rules concerning Ms. Evans, and I want you all to pay attention." More whispers filled the hall. 
    
    "Ms. Evans is a very…special girl. Because of her…err…disability you will NOT treat her anydifferently to what you would your normal classmates. You will NOT ridicule her because of her blood or what has happened to her. She has had a very hard time." She said, eyeing the Slytherin table as she spoke. By now, of course, everybody was dying to find out who this Lily Evans was and what made her so different and special.
    
    "Ms Evans will now be sorted." McGonagall strode over to the side door to the great hall and opened it.
    
    A stunningly pretty girl walked through the door. She was petite, with a slim, porcelain – like figure and had beautiful, long auburn hair cascading down to her waist covering one side of her face. 
    
    She did not walk like any other girl. She shuffled slowly along the side of the wall, as far away from the tables as possible, keeping her head down, as if afraid of her peers.
    
    She extended one pale hand and lifted up the sorting hat and sat down on the stool. It was only a few seconds before the hat cried "GRYFFINDOR!" and for the first time, she looked up. James immediately wished he hadn't been looking.
    
    One side of her face was beautiful, with nice smooth skin and bright green eyes. The other side of her face was horrible. It was red raw, twisted and scarred, as if some terrible accident had happened (which it had). The students could not help but gasp.
    
    McGonagall gave them all death glares, but Lily's face remained expressionless.
    
    She got up from the stool and walked over to the Gryffindor table, who were still too stunned to cheer. Although she had said nothing, people (or at least the male population) could not help but be mesmerized by her beauty when her hair covered the right side of her face. She took a seat next to James, who was on the end, shrinking as far away from him as possible. James could sense her discomfort as she sat down, feeling everybody's eyes on her.
    
    "Hey Lily, want some food?" asked, offering her a bread roll from his plate to break the silence. 
    
    Lily slowly turned her head to look at him. She said nothing, didn't even shake her head before looking back down at her lap again.
    
    "Students, you may now leave."
    
     The scuffling of shoes on the polished floor could be heard as students made their hasty exits, feeling disturbed by Lily's presence. Almost all the students had left, but Lily still hadn't moved from her position at the table. James looked at her and felt really bad for her, so he said
    
    "C'mon Lily, we'll show you to the common room." He said, offering her his arm, but not really expecting her to take it.
    
    The reaction that James got was not what he expected. Lily slowly extended her hand and latched it tightly around his wrist, as if afraid to let go. James could see McGonagall nodding with approval in the background, but he didn't really care. He wasn't doing it for McGonagall.
    
    ~*~In the Gryffindor Common Room~*~
    
    Lily had gone straight to bed upon reaching the common room, still not having said anything. Cindy Butrose, one of the most popular girls in fourth year (i.e. the one who knew the most gossip) had most of the Gryffindors listening in on her very loud conversation with her friends.
    
    "I read about her in a muggle newspaper," she was saying.
    
     "Yeah," one girl said. "what did it say?"
    
    "That somebody threw acid on her face when she was about to start first year, or finish muggle primary school."
    
    The entire year was shocked.
    
    "Who was it?" another girl said in awe.
    
    "Her father,"
    
    Cindy waited a nice long time to let it sink in before she continued.
    
    "So, after all that stuff, she stopped talking. Didn't even nod or shake her head. She wasn't making any progress, so they decided to send her to school to see if she would talk again. Her face will never be any better: nobody can afford the cost of repairing it. Of course, I didn't know it was Hogwarts she was going to."
    
    James was shocked beyond comprehension. He would make this Lily Evans talk again, he vowed, and make her life worth living.
    
    **A/N: All reviewers will be thanked in a new chapter at the end of the story.**
    
    **You like? Hope its different to what you were expecting. **
    
    _The song used at the beginning is Pretty Green Eyes by Ultrabeat_


	3. Crashing and Burning

**Chapter Three – Crashing and Burning**

_When you feel all alone  
And the world has turned its back on you  
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart  
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you  
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold  
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore  
  
Let me be the one you call  
If you jump I'll break your fall  
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night  
If you need to fall apart  
I can mend a broken heart  
If you need to crash then crash and burn  
You're not alone  
  
When you feel all alone  
And a loyal friend is hard to find  
You're caught in a one way street  
With the monsters in your head  
When hopes and dreams are far away and  
You feel like you can't face the day  
  
Let me be the one you call  
If you jump I'll break your fall  
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night  
If you need to fall apart  
I can mend a broken heart  
If you need to crash then crash and burn  
You're not alone  
  
And there has always been heartache and pain  
And when it's over you'll breathe again  
You'll breath again  
  
When you feel all alone  
And the world has turned its back on you  
Give me a moment please  
To tame your wild wild heart  
  
Let me be the one you call  
If you jump I'll break your fall  
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night  
If you need to fall apart  
I can mend a broken heart  
If you need to crash then crash and burn  
You're not alone_

~*~The Next Morning~*~   
  
Walking down to breakfast in the morning along with the rest of the Marauders, James was searching through the many groups for Lily Evans, who had haunted his dreams last night. Also, having Sirius sing "James has a crush on acid girl!" didn't help. As a consequence, Sirius got a nasty black bruise on his shoulder to show for it.   
  
All through breakfast, James was still looking for Lily, but she didn't appear at the Gryffindor table at all. "She's gonna be late for class" a voice said in the back of his head" "No, James, YOU'RE gonna be late for class!" and with that, he went to get his books.

Walking – well, running, down the corridor that led into the potions classroom, James chanced to see Malfoy and his friends exiting as small, dark and narrow passageway. _Wonder what they're doing there,_ he thought. _They never miss the chance to suck up in class with Castlereagh. But then, if they were half an hour late, he wouldn't care .He'd probably give them house points. _The boys were laughing,_ well, _more like they were sneering, but James guessed that that was the way they laughed. 

"Wonder how long it'll take them to find out what happened to her," one sniggered.

"I dunno, but when they look at her face they'll get an even nastier shock!" they are burst into laughter and continued in the direction of the potions classroom.

Fearing that whoever they had hurt (Lily!) was in bad shape, and, being a Gryffindor, James turned in to the passageway, and gasped in horror. 

"Lily?"

Lily was lying on the ground in really bad shape. She had cuts, scratches and bruises all over her and was bleeding … on the wrist?

"Shit," James muttered and tried to pull her up. It looked like she had been out but as he went to move her she looked up. A silent tear slipped down her face.

"C'mon," he said gently. "We have to get you to the hospital wing."

~*~ 

"You carried her all of the way up those stairs? That's quite a remarkable feat, young man,"

James just shrugged. He cared more about Lily's safety than his own heroism. He didn't know what made him seek her out or protect her; she never left his mind, not since she had been sorted. On an impulse he asked Madam Pomfrey, the nurse on duty at St. Mungo's

"Could the doctors ever repair her face?"

"Yes," she said slowly. "But nobody would ever be able to afford her treatment. Least of all her mother,"

"What about her father?"

"He's in jail."

"Oh. Right," James felt rather stupid.

Lily was in the intensive care ward at S. Mungo's. Malfoy and his friends had cut her wrists. James felt sick just thinking about it. He kept having images in his brain of this girl he barely knew who had such a traumatized past she couldn't even defend herself. And Lucius Malfoy took advantage of that.

The doctor leading the surgery on Lily's wrist came out and spoke in grave, quiet tone to the nurse so that James couldn't hear. 

"What!?" he yelled, gone half crazy after a 3 hour wait. "Did she make it? Is she okay,"

The doctor had a tired smile on his face. "Lily will be fine,"

James literally jumped for joy, consequently knocking over a vase in the process. He didn't even apologize. Dumbledore, sitting in a chair in the far corner of the room, smiled.

"But," the doctor continued. James stopped jumping.

"She will not be going back to Hogwarts,"

"Why not?"

"We can't have something like this happen again," he said, as if were obvious (which it was, of course, James was just to worried and tired to realize it) "Shw needs somebody to protect her 24 hours and her mother doesn't have the money to do that. After she gets out, she will have to do day trips to the hospital almost every day for the next few months. The damage done to her was very serious, young man,"

"What if I knew somebody who would stay with her 24 hours?"

"Then by all means. Who exactly do you have in mind? They have to be safe and reliable."

"Am I classified as safe and reliable?"

The doctor looked at James as if he were crazy…which he kind of was.

"You have to be with her all day every day, until she leaves Hogwarts. You have to sleep with her, eat with her, do your homework with her. This is a huge sacrifice of the best years of your life. I'm afraid I can't let you do that. Besides, we have no way of knowing what a boy your age could do."

"Please! I REALLY want to!"

"You realize that after this she will most likely never talk again, don't you?"

"Yes,"

"Alright then," the doctor said, wiping the sweat off his face. "I'll talk to Dumbledore tomorrow,"

James smiled happily. Maybe he'd get to know the real Lily Evans. Not the Lily Evans that didn't talk or walked around as though she was scared of everything. The Lily that was inside of that. The real Lily.

**A/N: You like?  Thanks for reading!**

_The lyrics used at the beginning of this chapter are_ Crash and Burn _by_ Savage Garden.


	4. Fear

**Chapter Four – Fear**

_Kinda alone_
    
    _With a friend called fear_
    
    _Locked up in a world_
    
    _That's called your life_
    
    _Talking to walls_
    
    _That close__ in on you_
    
    _Not able to run_
    
    _You are frozen inside_
    
    _Rest in your misery_
    
    _Never to escape_
    
    _It all has its reasons_
    
    _It's all been arranged_
    
    _On from day one_
    
    _Thrown onto this world_
    
    _Born in sin_
    
    _Being the silent one_
    
    _Fear_
    
    _Fear_
    
    _Of life_
    
    _Of death_
    
    _Hiding your fantasies_
    
    _Deep down inside_
    
    _They're never to see the light of day_
    
    _The scales of balance_
    
    _You have in your head_
    
    _Are tipped against you_
    
    _The burden you bear_
    
    _Fear_
    
    _Of life_
    
    _Fear of life_
    
    _Fight_
    
    _Fight_
    
    _For life_
    
    _For pride_
    
    _Refuse - Never crawl_
    
    _Breathe - And you will win_
    
    _Shame - No such thing_
    
    _No burden - Is called sin_
    
    _Fight_
    
    _Fight_
    
    _For life_
    
    _For pride_
    
    _Refuse - Never crawl_
    
    _Breathe - And you will win_
    
    _Shame - No such thing_
    
    _No burden - Is called sin_
    
    _Hiding your fantasies_
    
    _Deep down inside_
    
    _They're never to see the light of day_
    
    _The scales of balance_
    
    _You have in your head_
    
    _Are tipped against you_
    
    _The burden you bear_
    
    _Fear_
    
    _Of life_
    
    _Fear of life_

**~*~**

The doctor cleared everything with Dumbledore. Lily was to sleep in a separated partition of the Gryffindor boy's dormitory. James felt like he was doing what he had to do but the boys who shared his dorm (Sirius, Remus, Peter, Mundungus Fletcher and Frank Longbottom) just thought he was crazy. I mean, c'mon, what kind of self respecting person randomly devoted his life for the next four years to looking after the new girl? It just wasn't done a Hogwarts. The members of the Marauder gang (excluding James, of course) weren't all that happy at having a girl who was literally mutilated and didn't even talk follow them around everywhere. Shallow, but true.

Almost two months had passed since the "accident" – the boys responsible had been suspended but not expelled – which was probably one of the reasons for Lily's fear of going back to school.

James visited almost every day, and dragged the remaining members of the Marauder gang along with him. James was grateful to Remus, who felt sorry for Lily, mad at Sirius, who kept insisting that James had a crush on "Lilykins". And Peter – well if you gave Peter food for the trip then he was happy.

One particular day, one the first of November, Lily was ready to come back to Hogwarts again. That morning, as well as James and the Marauders, there was another guest for Lily at St. Mungo's. Mrs. Evans had come along to visit her daughter before she returned to school again. The Marauders were turned out of the room, but later, when James went outside to take a walk, he saw Mrs. Evans again, inside a beaten up Volkswagen, arms resting on the steering wheel, crying.

James felt so angry at that moment. Angry that tragedies like Lily's happened in the world. Angry that people didn't have enough money to fix her face. Sure, he could pay for it, but only with his parents' money. He didn't think his father would be happy to spend hundreds of thousands of galleons to repair a muggleborn's face. 

Right there and then, James resolved to help Lily through everything. He would protect her from everything, and he would get her to talk again when she was ready.

Oncev inside, the doctor notified him that Lily was ready to go. She was standing, but on crutches. All of her cuts and bruises had gone, and her wrists were completely healed by the doctors, but she still had a particularly bad broken leg that for some reason James didn't understand wouldn't come off until later.

"Ready, Lily?" asked James, entering the room. They went by portkey back to Hogwarts

(yes, although Lily had a broken leg, she could still floo).

**A/N: Have faith! The chapters do get longer!**

**Thanks for reading!**

_The song lyrics used at the beginning of this chapter are Fear by Gorefest_

(never heard it but the words have meaning).


	5. Back To Hogwarts

**Chapter Five – Back to Hogwarts******

Upon their rather nasty flooing experience, which resulted with James landing upon Lily, James took a look around. They were in Dumbledore's office; James knew that from the many times he had visited with the other members of the Marauders in order to receive punishment for many various pranks. It was worth it though…James thought as he helped Lily up from her rather uncomfortable position on the ground. James could see that Lily was taking it all in too, her eyes darting all around the room, which was indeed a fine sight.

There was everything in Dumbledore's office. Everything. It looked like he had made a collection of interesting artifacts from the past six centuries and decided to place it in a museum, the museum also being his living quarters. The inhabitant of the office himself came out, and said

"Ms. Evans, Mr. Potter, it's good to see you. I trust that you traveled well?" he said the last part as if it were a question.

"Well, almost," grinned James, not really sure of what to say. "_Oh, yeah_," he thought. "_It's my first day on the newest, most important job of my life at the moment and I've just had thirty seconds with the person I'm supposed to be protecting and I squashed her. That'll go down well." _James didn't like flooing very much.

Dumbledore smiled, and said "Well, I'm sure you'll get used to it after taking day trips to the hospital." James had an expression of utmost horror on his face. Quickly glancing at Lily, his mouth gaped open. _Did she have a flicker of a smile upon her face?_

"You may now join the students for lunch," Dumbledore spoke again. "I trust you would not want to miss out on one of the most important parts of your day."

~*~In The Great Hall~*~

Tuning out to Sirius' incessant banter about how they should "mickeywave" Mrs. Norris, James looked at Lily. She certainly seemed a lot happier than when she had on her first day. The remainder of the school barely noticed her return. She tried as hard as possible for that to happen, of course. James wondered how she would cope with classes that afternoon.

Hey, James," said Sirius, nudging him in the side. James contributed to the conversation with an intelligent "huh?" before Sirius launched into the next topic of conversation: Quidditch. 

"Whatddaya think our chances are of winning this game, Jamesie-poo?" There was an upcoming match against Ravenclaw that weekend. Today was Tuesday.

"We'll flatten them, I reckon," replied James confidently. James, although only in fourth year, was a star chaser and captain of the Gryffindor team. He was a hero for Gryffindor, and he knew it. He loved flying. James, Sirius and Remus were all on the Gryffindor side; Sirius was a beater and Remus, with his sharp eyesight and keen instincts, was a seeker.

"James, James!" Justin Spinnet ran up to him. "Lucy's in the hospital wing – unconscious!"

James, Sirius and Remus gave a collective gasp of horror. Lucy was Sirius' fellow beater (Sirius loved having a girl working with him), and if she was unconscious…then the game on Saturday…suddenly James didn't feel so confident.

"We need to find a replacement," he said, stating the obvious. "I'll go to McGonagall and hold tryouts in case she's not well again in time.

James ran off, dragging a reluctantly, and only on the way to McGonagall did it occur to him to ask just how Lucy got unconscious.

**A/N: Short I know. I'm sorry!**

**Just to clear this up – I've made James a chaser, not a seeker, even though in the movie he was a seeker, I've decided to go with J.K. and make him a chaser.**


	6. Crisis Control

**Chapter Six – Crisis Control**

~*~Meeting of the Gryffindor Quidditch team~*~

  
  
"Okay, guys," said James, pacing the room, worried. Lily was sitting in the back corner of the room writing in a small notebook that James assumed to be her diary. "We didn't plan for this. We know that somebody did something to Lucy, but we can't prove anything."  
  
"Cough.Malfoy.cough," said Sirius.  
  
"We have no reserves or anything and the game's this Saturday." James continued. "Today is Tuesday. That gives us three days." The team members rolled their eyes. Has anyone got any ideas for a temporary replacement?"  
  
"My younger brother might want to," the keeper, Michael Reeves spoke up. "But it clashes with his charms club,"  
  
"Well that's not suitable then. Anyone else?"  
  
Looking toward the back of the room, he saw .Lily. Wild thoughts raced through his head . she had a small, light build .able to fly fast ... must have had plenty of practice defending herself . the perfect beater! Surprisingly, it didn't actually occur to James that Lily might not want to play on the team. In his mind, all people liked Quidditch.  
  
"Lily, why don't you have a practice with us?"  
  
Lily stared.  
  
The team stared.  
  
McGonagall, who had just entered the room, stared.  
  
Everybody stared.  
  
James felt the need to explain himself.  
  
"Well, you have to be with me at all times, right? And when I'm playing Quidditch ."  
  
"I'm afraid, Potter, that if Lily does not want to play Quidditch, then you will have to give it up," McGonagall said from the door.  
  
James gasped.  
  
The team gasped.  
  
Everybody except Lily and McGonagall gasped.  
  
~*~  
  
"You know, Prongs, this really is the limit," said Sirius, on the way back to the Gryffindor tower. "Giving up Quidditch for a girl that doesn't talk? And whats gonna happen every full moon? The animagi potion will be ready soon,"  
  
"She's just gonna have to come with us until we find a better option,"  
  
"You reckon you can make her talk, play Quidditch, and become an animagi all in a very small space of time?"  
  
"Yep,"  
  
"He's fallen hard," said Sirius to Remus in Peter in an undertone as James and Lily went ahead. "We're just gonna have to help him get her to talk before she breaks his heart," Remus and Peter nodded.  
  
~*~In the Common Room that night~*~

  
Lily seemed to cope with class really well, reflected James as he battled Remus for the title of Best Gryffindor Chess Player. Needless to say, he was losing. Badly. But he was having fun. Lily was writing in her notebook again on the armchair above him.  
  
She even managed to do well in potions. Not talking made it really easy for her to ignore Snape, even though he ended up taking 10 points off Gryffindor for "insubordination" she made it up in all her other subjects. Lily Evans was a very intelligent girl. Smarter than himself, even. The only thing that worried him was their next topic in potions: truth potions. James just hoped Hardcastle wouldn't pick Lily to test it out. Not that James wasn't interested in hearing about Lily's life and feelings, since she never spoke or communicated her feelings to anybody, but he didn't want her to talk to soon. Looking up at her, he saw that Sirius was trying to get Lily to talk. And failing miserably.  
  
"Hey Lily, why did the chicken cross the road?"  
  
"Because it wanted to get to the other side! Aha!"  
  
Lily gave him a dirty look and went back to writing in her notebook.  
  
"What's that?" said Sirius curiously, acting like the four year old he was, snatching the book out of her hands.  
  
A look of immense terror crossed Lily's face as she grabbed for it back, Sirius holding it just out of her reach. Lily just got more terrified, reaching for it more and more desperately for it until James couldn't stand it.  
  
"STOP IT!!"  
  
"Alright." said Sirius, loyal to James, thrusting the book back into Lily's hands.  
  
Lily ran upstairs, tears in her eyes. James gave Sirius a very dirty look before going after her.  
  
"Shh Lily, it's alright," he hugged her awkwardly as she sat on her bed crying, James not really being sure of what to do.  
  
Later that night, as James lay in his bed, he could still hear Lily sniffling and hoped that one day, soon, she would trust him enough for her to speak to him.  
  
**A/N: That was pathetically short! But there are plenty more longer chapters ahead!**


	7. A Lily Point Of View

**Chapter Seven -  A ****Lily****Point**** Of View.**

  
Sirius tightly shut the door to the empty charms classroom and turned to face Remus and Peter.  
  
"James has been acting really strange lately," he said, stating the obvious. "He hasn't played a prank since school started, he's shutting us out and devoting his life to Lily Evans AND he hasn't dated ANYBODY all YEAR! He hasn't even looked at a girl! We have to get the real James back!"  
  
Yeah, Sirius. Real deep. But that's what all four (or three - we all know who's exempt) of the Marauders were truly like. They were shallow, they dated more girls than what was good for them, and went around thinking they were the top dogs in the school (which they were; but that's not the point). You can imagine the shock the Marauders got when James changed. He had become so deep. Remus and Peter nodded in agreement at Sirius' statement.  
  
"We have to get the Lily girl away from him. She's BRAINWASHING him into LIKING her without even SPEAKING!"  
  
"But how?" asked Peter. "How are we going to get her away from him?"  
  
"Gather 'round, boys. The great Sirius Black has a plan."  
  
**  
  
James looked sadly at the girl down the end of his dorm. He wished he could make the pain go away for her, but it was hard when she wouldn't let him. To put it plainly, James felt sad and lonely. He had committed himself to spending everyday with an equally lonely girl who wasn't really much in the way of company. He could feel himself growing away from his friends, losing his popularity, He could imagine what they were saying about him, and he didn't like it. He wished life would just go back to the way it was. And you know what? If "operation Lily" succeeded, it would.  
  
"Lily?" he tapped her on the shoulder gently. "It's time to go to class,"  
  
**  
  
"Today, as you know, we will be making truth potions. You will go in pairs, and at the end of the lesson one of you will test your potion." He waved his wand at the blackboard, and instantly the complicated instructions appeared.  
  
James observed Lily carefully, watching her pour out exactly 50 mLs of snake venom. You know, I'd really like to get to know her, he thought. But how?  
  
"Class, it is now time to test your potions. Please pour your solutions into your beakers and when I tell you, you may test it. Group number one: Severus and Lucius. Lucius, please take just one small drop of your potion." Lucius did so, and a glazed look came over his face (A/N: Mmmm.glazed doughnuts..).  
  
"What is your full name?"  
  
"Lucius Tulliens Dormeins Malfoy the seventeenth," he answered immediately, in a voice that suggested that he was on a drug of some sort.  
  
"Correct. You may sit down. Take this," Snape took a small vial from Hardcastle and passed it to Lucius. Lucius drank and his normal sneer returned.  
  
"Well done, boys, ten points to Slytherin. Group two: Lily Evans and James Potter. Lily, please take a sip," Hardcastle grinned cruelly. Lily recoiled in fear, looking like a frightened rabbit.  
  
"She can't!" James said angrily. He knew what Hardcastle was trying to do. He was trying to con Lily into speaking when she wasn't ready. Worse still, he was trying to get her to reveal her innermost secrets. James' blood began to boil.  
  
"And why not, Mr. Potter?" the Slytherins snickered, enjoying the show.  
  
"You know she can't!"  
  
"Are you questioning my authority?" Hardcastle's voice began to rise.  
  
"Damn right I am!" You know you can't do that!"  
  
"Evans is a student at this school and she will be treated just like any other. Now drink the potion." He commanded. Lily didn't move. She just looked at him.  
  
"I said, DRINK THE POTION!!"  
  
He was yelling now, and James just snapped. He grabbed the beaker and drank the whole thing. One drop is just enough for you to reveal facts about yourself when asked, but after drinking an entire beaker he started gabbling like there was no tomorrow.  
  
  


"I'mfeelingreallydowncozmymumdiedandshewasrealllyclosetomeandilovedherverymuchandnowshesgoneandlilyseemssomuchlikeherandidon'twanthertogetherandenduplik emymumbecauseifeelsorrysorryforherbutshewon'ttalktomeandifeelstupidnowbecaus eithoughticouldmakeadifferencetoherlifeand-" 

(Translation: I'm feeling really down coz my mum died and she was really close to me and I loved her so much and now she's gone and Lily seems so much like her and I don't want her to get hurt and die like my mum and I feel so sorry for her but she won't talk to me and I feel stupid now because I thought I could make a difference to her life but-"  
  
"SILENCE!" roared Hardcastle, stalking up and literally forcing the contents of the vile down James' throat. The entire class was stunned. James had always been the perfect one, the guy everybody (except the Slytherins) loved, the one without a worry in the world, who had always kept his cool no matter what. For the entire potions class to find out that his mum had died and his feelings for Lily was a huge shock, especially to Lily, who just ran out of the classroom, clutching only her little green notebook.  
  
"She's bewitched him," whispered Remus to Sirius. "He can't really feel for her. He can't feel her pain,"  
  
"Do we go through with Operation Lily?" whispered Peter.  
  
"Definitely," the whispered back.  
  
**  
  
James ran down the corridors to the Gryffindor common room, eyes darting from side to side, looking for Lily. He wasn't supposed to let her out of his sight. Only a day and he had failed. He'd lost any chance of getting to know what he had been sure was a beautiful person forever. He had poured his secrets out and now she was gone.  
  
Panting, he reached the boy's (and girl) dorm, but I was empty. Exhausted, he went to his bed to sit down, but on his pillow was..the little green notebook.  
  
He picked it up, and a piece of parchment slipped out the front. It said in neat cursive  
  
Dear James,  
  
After spending a little amount of time near you, I knew you were different. I knew you felt the pain that I carry with me everyday. In the potions lesson, I realized that I had to tell somebody what I feel. Writing in my notebook isn't enough. It will never take away the pain I feel. This is my life, James.  
  
Lily.  
  
Amazed, James slowly opened the little green notebook, and something else slipped out. It was a muggle newspaper article, titled "Acid Thrower Sentenced to Life in Prison".  
  
_David Evans of Carlisle, __England__ was today given a life sentence from the Honorable Judge William Gregory for throwing concentrated acid in his daughter's face.  
  
Lily Rose Evans, a happy eleven-year old, was baking cookies in the kitchen with her mother when Evans came in suddenly with a small bucket and aimed the contents at 35 year old Rose Evans, not realizing his daughter was in the room. The entire contents of the bucket landed on Lily's face, neck and shoulders, and only through quick action by the emergency ward doctors at St. Peter's were they able to stop the acid from soaking through the skull into the brain.  
  
"Lily is a smart child, and lucky to have avoided brain damage. However, the emotional damage is far worse, and at the moment there are no possible means for us to properly graft skin back on to Lily's face. Unless plastic surgery research speeds up by light years, which, by the extreme lack of funding it looks like it won't, we will never be able to restore her face, neck and shoulders back to it's original state.  
  
Mr. Evans claimed in court last week that he and his wife had had an "argument" over which boarding school Lily was to attend that year, and as a result, Evans blew up and left the house. Lily and her sister, Petunia, were consoled by her mother, who suggested they bake cookies while "daddy went out" were having much fun, apparently, until Petunia went to go to the toilet and Mr. Evans came in. He pleaded guilty to a judge and full jury and was sentenced today.  
  
Lily is still at __St. Peters_ but has been moved the he physiological ward where hopefully she will fully recover. She has not said a word since the action and testified in court with "yes" and "no" palm cards. The Opposition are shocked at this and have launched a new campaign in which there will be a law stating that children cannot testify for or against their parents.  
  
Any well wishes to Lily or donations to the Lily Evans Foundation can be made by calling the ___St. Peters__Hospital__.  
  
Cover story by Ivy Kearney.  
  
  
_

James did nothing but gape at the article, and the still picture beside it of a bright, happy girl on a muggle swing, grinning at the camera as a young, lean man pushed her. How could he do that to her? He thought. How could somebody wish Lily's fate upon somebody else? She lives through a horrible and terrifying experience, comes to the school that her father got a life sentence for nor wanting to, and on her first full day she gets beaten up, almost to death once more. How does she stay alive every day, having that weight upon her shoulders? He glanced at the note.  
  
Writing in my notebook isn't enough. It will never take away the pain I feel.  
  
James turned his eyes to the first page of the little green book and began to read.  
  
  
_Dear Diary,  
  
September 1  
  
I know why they've sent me here. They've sent me here to learn how to talk again. I wasn't making any progress at the hospital so they sent me here, to a magical school, like Mother wanted me to. She wanted me to be just like Great-Aunty Kaye, who went to a French wizarding school. She was a wonderful person; the best in the world. But I'll never be like her. Not after that day.  
  
Father didn't want me to go. He wanted me to go to a boarding school that he knew and trusted, one that all his workmates' daughters went to. He got angry at Mother. Just over one little fight, my life got changed forever. The world I knew, the world I loved; fell apart. My mother is depressed. My father is in prison. For life. And my sister hates me, because she thinks it's all my fault. And for once, she's right. It is my fault.  
  
I wish I had never been magic. I wish that I didn't want to be like Great- Aunty Kaye so much that I begged my parents to go. I just want to be normal. Just for once, I'd like to be happy. For one moment, that's all I ask. One moment, when my life feels like it used to be, not in a hospital, where there's no space even to breathe, not here, where everybody stares at me, looking into my soul, where I used to be. Only three years, but such a lot has happened. I wish so much to have my face fixed, to be treated like everybody else. But you can't take back time. That's what Doctor Shale says.  
  
I got sorted into a house today. I got in Gryffindor, the bravest house. I don't know why, though. I've never been brave. I'm too cowardly to even speak, to say what I feel. "Get over it. Get a life!" one of the girls in my dorm just said. How, when I have nobody. You can never start completely from scratch. You have to have something. I have nothing. Nobody. Not even a pet, like a dog, that I can confide in. Nobody loves me. And I'm not sure that I can love anybody, either.  
  
All the lights in my dormitory have been turned out, so it looks like I'll be going to sleep.  
  
I wish I was a bird. I wish I could just fly away from everything.  
  
Lily.  
_  
**A/N: Yay! It was longer! Thanks for reading!**  
  



	8. Peril

**A/N: I know, I know! I'm a hopeless author who can't even keep updating a story regularly. Don't hurt me! I just got a bit preoccupied with my other story and neglected this one. But I'm back, armed with heaps of plot ideas. If you've read the book So Much to Tell You, the book that this is based on, you'll know that this doesn't really stick to it, and will break away at the end. I won't give up! (That's a promise – hold me to that if I get carried away again…) I'm sorry again for being a hopeless author. Thanks to all the people who didn't give up on me.  
  
I know that this story is riddled with mistakes, but I'm really concentrating on the plot here. If you want a story with good grammar, read Best Enemies.  
  
Anyway, I'm sure you'd much rather read the chapter than listen to my excuses … so enjoy!**

**A lot of you were wondering exactly what "Operation Lily" is. In short, it's a recipe for disaster. All will be revealed in this chapter!  
  
Disclaimer: You name it; I don't own it. Us lesser mortals can only dream.  
  
Actions Speak Louder Than Words  
  
Chapter 8  
  
James suddenly looked up; classes had obviously just ended, as he could hear the noises of people coming up to the dorms to dump their books and go to morning tea. He got up, and, taking nothing but his invisibility cloak with him, went to a place where he could read quietly, without disturbance. For once in his life, he wasn't hungry anyway. Just remembering the morning's events was more than enough to make him feel sick. Babbling his life story to his entire potions class … all to save Lily from speaking before she was ready … he didn't even _know the girl, for God's sake, and he was destroying his life for her. But then, he felt so sorry for her … all she had been through …  
  
James H. Potter sighed as he swept down the deserted hall of Hogwarts, all the students being either outside enjoying their morning tea or in the hall.  
  
_**

He tried to imagine what Lily would have been like if she had come to Hogwarts in first year, face fully intact. He pictured a bright, confident little redhead that would have been his friend. Pulling out the muggle newspaper article with the picture of her on it … she was barely recognizable anymore.  
  
He had been so caught up in reading that he forgot to find the very girl that was always on his mind … the girl that was supposed to be within his sight at all times …  
  
~*~  
  
The remaining members of the Marauder gang were trying to find the same girl James had forgotten about, without much success. Lily Evans was nowhere to be found. The boys were both comically and unsuccessfully trying to work out where she would be.  
  
"Hurry up and think of something guys. Otherwise Operation Lily will be a flop. And besides, I want to eat," whined Peter.  
  
"Why don't you try and contribute a little, Wormtail? It's not like you're helping us," Sirius pointed out.  
  


Peter scowled. Sirius scowled back. Remus, noticing the tension rising between the two, decided to intervene.  
  
"Now, guys, try and play nice,"  
  
The other to snorted and went back to scowling at each other.  
  
"We still have to find Lily, you know,"  
  
"Oh yeah …" And with that, they snapped out of it.  
  
"Now," continued Remus, taking the role of leader. "Where would you be if you were Lily?"  
  
"As far away from Hardcastle as I could get," sniggered Sirius.  
  
"Eating, like every other normal person in the school," moaned Peter, rubbing his stomach and consequently looking like a pregnant mother feeling her baby.  
  
"Yeah, Petey, but she's not normal," retorted Remus. Turning to Sirius, he asked "And just how far is far away from Hardcastle?"  
  
"Uh … Australia?"  
  
"_Think_, Sirius. For once, just _think. Hardcastle likes dungeons. Where's the furthest place IN THE SCHOOL from the dungeons?" replied the ever-sensible Remus, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Uh … the Forest?" Sirius screwed his face up, trying to think. Peter, as usual, had no idea.   
  
"The _Astronomy___Tower, you retard. C'mon, thanks to your genius we only have ten minutes of recess left,"_

And with that, they went to go and find Lily.  
  
~*~  
  
If you want to  
  
I can save you  
  
I can take you away from here  
  
So lonely inside  
  
So busy out there  
  
And all you wanted  
  
Was somebody who cares  
  
~*~  
  
James eventually found a deserted room with nothing but a large mirror in the middle. _This place is as good as any_ he shrugged mentally, and sat down. He took the little green notebook out of his pocket and began to read once more.  
  
There was a big time gap in there, from her being in hospital again after she was attacked, he supposed. He continued on reading.

_Dear Diary,_

_I don't know what the date is anymore, because I'm so confused and am desperately trying not to remember. I thought it would be different, but I was wrong. I had hoped just to be treated like everyone else, but I wasn't. Nobody except Dumbledore has come to visit me so far. But then, why would they? It's not like I deserve it. I've spent all of my life, bar a few days, since I was eleven just sitting in hospital, trying to heal I - _

_A boy just came and went, and I think I remember him from my first night at Hogwarts. Messy black hair, glasses … he seemed decent. Just looked at me and smiled. I think he feels pity for me. He and the doctor were talking about me, I'm sure; I just wasn't close enough to hear. He's just left, without saying anything. But then, why would he? It's not like after all these years of silence that I'd say anything back. I can't even do the spells that I learnt by my textbooks in hospital because you need to speak. Professor Dumbledore mentioned that some people can do it without saying anything, but the chances of that being me are about one in a billion. _

_But when I saw that boy, I realized that I can start from almost scratch. I do have something to hang on to. A tiny little ray of hope. Otherwise I would have given up by now._

_Lily. _

~*~

Lily Evans sighed as she sat on the  small cavity in the windowsill at the very top of the Astronomy Tower, not in the least scared. Heights had never terrified her; she as a child had often gone tree climbing and had fallen out of tall oaks from a very young age. I was a pity her childhood had disappeared so quickly, evaporating into adulthood, something she wasn't prepared for.

Should she jump? It would be so easy, just to lean over and fall … 

Looking down, she thought of what she would be leaving behind if she died. Nothing really, except for a sad, failed James Potter. But she was a burden to him. She had made him give up things he loved for her. Because there was no way in hell she was going to play Quidditch on a broomstick tomorrow. Peering down, she made the decision to jump. To end it all simply. Just as she began to lean over, towards the trees and sunshine … the door burst open, and the Marauders burst in.

She really did fall then from the shock, toppling over but at the last minute she grabbed onto the ledge, taking she skin off her fingers as she did so. Her breath caught in her throat, and she realized then that she didn't want to die. 

The Marauders apparently hadn't seen her, as they walked in and one of them said 

"I don't think she's here, Moony,"

"Well, where would she be?"

"I dunno, let's try the kitchens…"

The boys made scuffling sounds, as if they were leaving, and Lily knew she couldn't hold on for much longer. This was her last chance to save herself, but the only way she could do it was to … 

… talk.

A/N: CLIFFY!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't resist! But, don't despair, the next chapter will be out soon!

Big thankyous to 

**Amanda** – As you can see, I've finally updated! Yay for me! I'm really glad you're enjoying my story.

**mmn673** – ME? Use SPELL CHECK!?! Never! j/k … sometimes I just can't be bothered … but I did this chapter. Thankyou for reviewing!

**Fezria** – Thanks! I'm glad I have the kind of story that makes people remember … I really wanted this one to be different. Yeah. Sirius was my favourite character too … but his death WILL BE AVENGED! Lol.

**Musicstarlover** – Yeah, Lily opens up a lot more in this chapter as well … perhaps there may be a little … dare I say … _romance_ brewing among our favourite characters? Thanks for helping me with the italics thing, though! :P

**Meadow A** – That's a good idea, actually. I did work out how to get them in the end, but thanks for trying to help! I hope you enjoy this chappie!

**Gwenyvere** – Yes, it did help very much! I feel so stupid now … thanks for reviewing!

**MonkeyGurl1** – Glad you enjoyed it!

**Starborn**** – I know! I've had unbelievable success with this! (not that I'm  complaining or anything!)**

**Rosie** – Thanks for telling me!

**CuriosityNeverKilledHumans** – Yeah, I said that at the beginning in my author's note. It is based on the book, but will break away at the end. Thanks for reviewing!

**vamperfly** – Thanks so much for telling me! Yes, Lily will speak, and with each chapter we get closer … I don't plan to keep you in limbo for too much longer, though.

**illusions5** – Yay! Green is my favourite color too! The color of those aliens that take me away in my dreams … lolz. Thank you for reviewing!

**Sunkisses643** – My story rocks you socks? COOL! Thanks for reviewing it! If you want to read a really good story try Lily and James: The Prequel By kirbeedesirae. It's very long, and she says the beginning was bad but I loved it all the way through. Go to www.expage.com/ihepsm to read it. Once again, thankyou for reviewing!

**Erriy** – Thanks! I know I haven't been updating but … yeah … sorry about that. I'll try and update about once a week. Yeah, the title is really stupid, but I couldn't think of anything better and I don't want to change it now or readers may not recognise it!

**Larka** - ME? Read the INSTRUCTIONS!?! NEVER! j/k – thanks for the tip and I hope you're enjoying this chapter!

**Stella** – *Hands candy bar to stella* Thanks for reviewing! (I really should stop bribing people!) Yeah … more Sirius here … 

**Me** – Thanks for the tip – and for reviewing! Like the email address, by the way!

**Grim Wolf** – Thanks for the really clear instructions! I'll be sure to check out your stories once I get my updates out of the way!

**Lil**** K – Thanks! Okay, so I haven''t updated in like … a month … my stupid computer got a virus, we got it fixed and then it goes and gets another virus! How stupid can a computer be !?!?**

**gum-addict** – One nice long chappie for you! I'm glad you love it!

**oldestof3** – I'm usually not very good at writing sad stories … I'm quite proud of myself! I'm glad you're enjoying it.

**ChildofMidnight** – Koolers … what a kool word! Thankyou for reviewing! Maybe they will, maybe they won't.

**Embyr** - Dragon – Thank you for putting me on your favourite stories list! The thing is, I have no way of knowing anything except who had put me on their favourite author's list, so thanks for telling me! Let's hope that this story isn't so morbid in the future … but it had to get worse before it can get better!

**Cynthia90 **– Thanks for reviewing and telling me you like it!

**Katie** – Longer chapters, huh? Hope this one pleased you! Thankyou for reviewing!

**Skywalker26** – Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you like it!

**Hyper Fairy Queen** - *Hugs back* Thanks for reviewing! The guys are quite mean, aren't they? There's a long road to self- discovery up ahead for them … 

**Moon*wolf2** – Well, here's my very belated update! I hope you enjoy it! Thankyou for reviewing.

**If you would like me to e-mail you when I update (which will be a lot sooner than last time!), either review with your email address or email me at snowflakelatte@hotmail.com and I will tell you when I update. Thank you!**

**Yours in fanfiction,**

**snowflakey**

  
  
   
  



	9. Out of The Frying Pan

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Chapter 9

~*~

Lily was in shock - she could either talk now or face certain death. After spending the last four years in a hospital bed her muscles weren't what they should have been, and were definitely not made for hanging off the window at the top of the Astronomy Tower. It was sheer desperation that kept her holding on. She had decided she really didn't want to die anymore. Not yet anyway. But it was a bit late to decide that now.

Lily could hear the Marauders talking in loud voices.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T THINK SHE'S HERE!"

"OKAY THEN, LET'S GO!"

"ALRIGHT!"

(A/N: Did you all get that? The Marauders were making it really obvious they were leaving, but their real intentions were that they would not leave the Tower and see if Lily came out of a hiding place. Obviously, she's not going to.)

I'M SHUTTING THE DOOR NOW!" one yelled as the door slammed loudly. Lily tried to call out, but nothing came out of her mouth. You know how when you're dreaming or something someone in a balaclava comes to kidnap you and you're so shocked you can't even scream? This was how Lily was feeling.

__

Now, after four years of staying silent, now is NOT the time to be speechless!

It had been about ten seconds since Lily had almost fallen and her fingers were beginning to get slippery with sweat. She strained her ears for some sound; surely they wouldn't have left so soon. Sure enough, she heard one of them say in a squeaky voice.

"Guys, I really don't think she's here. She hasn't come out yet, in case you haven't noticed. Let's go eat,"

"No way!" one of them retorted in a bolder, much more confident voice. "I didn't climb up all those stairs for nothing! She has to be here!"

"I know! Let's check the Marauder's Map!" 

"Moony, you're a genius! It's in my pocket!"

The "genius" was Remus, obviously, he was the only one with a tiny bit of sense. Yes, they really were that stupid. They had the Map with them the whole time they were looking for her, but didn't notice.

Lily whimpered; her fingers were slipping and she was convinced she was going to die.

"Okay, … Lily Evans … Lily Evans…" Lily wished they would hurry up and find her - but wait! What if they just left her here, or even worse, pried her sweaty fingers off the ledge? That would be just what anyone else would do … except for maybe James. Fear overtook her sense of logic and she could feel intense pin in her arms, but she tried her hardest to keep hanging on. When she did die, she would at least have the staisfaction on knowing that for once in her life, she had put up a fight.

"Found her!" one of the Marauders cried out jubilantly, startling Lily so much that she almost let go in surprise. 

"She's .. on the outside of the Astronomy Tower?"

"But that must mean she's…"

There was a clatter of shoes on stone as Sirius, Remus and Peter rushed over to the biggest window. Suddenly, tey noticed small, pale fingers just holding on. Just before they got there, though, the fingers disappeared.

Acting on pure reflex, Sirius and Remus drew out their wands and pointing it down, shouting 

"WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!"

After a few seconds Peter did the same. When the looked down they saw Lily's unmistakable red hair floating halfway down the side of the castle. She looked unconscious, probably knocked out from falling so fast. The force of Sirius and Remus' spells had cast a glittering aura that surrounded her, protecting her from the wind. They may have had no common sense, but they were good at magic. Peter, on the other hand, had "Wingardium Leviosa'd" a tree, which had uprooted and was now hovering in midair.

Meanwhile, as James read more of Lily's diary. Unaware of the very same girl that was at that time floating outside the window on his left … 

~*~

Much of Lily's diary was the same, describing the place in the hospital, about Sirius, Remus and James, who in the short time she had spent with them, had learnt a lot about. She included things about her classes, all of which she had with James, little notes about the topic that even James didn't know. And James knew everything. Just by reading these parts of the diary he learnt so much more about her than watching her unreadable expression. Like the way she described people. It was really funny to read about Lily's views on people in the school; everyone from Snape to Miss Norris to Dumbledore. But there was one problem. A rather big one for James, actually.

There was nothing about him in it. Nothing at all. It didn't mention him once. He was the one that got her to come back to Hogwarts! He was the one that kept standing up for her, even when it seemed like _she_ had given up! So why wasn't he even mentioned once?

__

Denial said a voice in his head. 

But what would she be in denial about?

The bell rang for class, and James suddenly remembered that he was meant to be taking Lily to class. _But where was she?_ He reached into the pocket of his robes for the Map, but it wasn't there_. Sirius had it._

James set off in a run to search for the fur people that meant the world to him. Unfortunately, three of them were about to wreak havoc on the other … 

~*~

Meanwhile, in the Astronomy tower…

The other three members of the Marauder gang had just managed to get Lily back inside the Tower. She was shaking and silently crying. The Marauders, having no idea what to do, jus stood there, watching her cry like there was no tomorrow. They gathered together in a huddle to try and decide what to do.

"I don't know, guys," whispered Remus. "I feel bad about going through with the plan now," he took a piece of parchment out of his pocket and unfolded it. It read:

__

"Operation Lily".

In order to rescue our dear James from a love spell/potion/whatever, we must immediately separate Lily from James so that he can recover and go and do normal things again. We, the other members of the Marauders, Marauder Swear to go to any lengths to separate her from James to save him from a life devoted to someone who doesn't even speak.

Sirius R. Black

Remus J. Lupin

Peter M. Pettigrew. 

"This seems really mean now. Look at her," continued Remus. Lily was still shaking and crying.

"But she's got him bewitched," Sirius argued, conveniently ignoring the fact that she's never actually done anything with a wand in her life, let along a love spell.

Lily didn't know what to do. They were blocking the doorway so she couldn't run, and the only other way out was the windows, and hell would freeze over before she went back over that edge. She knew they were discussing what to do with her, and she didn't trust her fate in their hands. But there was nothing she could do.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity to all, Sirius, Remus and Peter broke away from their huddle. 

~*~

****

A/N: Another cliffy, right? Oops … couldn't resist!

I was so happy when I went from 79 to 102 reviews in three days! So a big thank you to all of my reviewers who waited patiently for me to update!

Vamperfly – Yes, I am insane!! Yeah, I know I left a really big cliffy, but I simply couldn't resist! The urge was too great. Thanks for reviewing and I hope this chappie satisfied your craving ;)

Clavel – Yeah, it is kind of angsty, isn't it? I might change the genre, then. I'm glad you like it!

ZombieGurl98 – Hey! Like the new name … it has a nice ring to it … I'm happy I updated too – I get a high whenever I get reviews! Thanks for reviewing!

Demeter, Goddess of Protection - Here it is, continued for you! Thanks for putting it on your fave stories list!

Ruth3 – Leaving a mean cliffy is kind of fun until you have to think of what to write next! I really enjoy writing a story that means something to others, not one that people forget, so thanks for showing your appreciation! I didn't really understand what you asked about which program I uploaded my fics on though … I write it on word and then post them … does that answer your question?

ArtC-Fox – Wow! I really liked your shining review I don't really think I write that well, I just try to write to fit the situation and hope that I'm doing it justice! :D Thanks for reviewing! I liked your story very much, by the way.

jade eyes1 – Yes, they may be able to fix Lily's face with magic … but think of the cost to repair the damage … thanks for reviewing!

elvencherry07 – Yes! I finally updated! I think a lot of people gave up on me. Oops … thanks for reviewing!

Heather – Wow! Thanks for such a good review! I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations! 

Slytherinangel922 – Yes, eventually Lily will talk, but this story is all about how, with a little romance along the way … ;) Thanks for reviewing!

Shh2010 – Dying from suspense … yeah, I know the feeling! Thanks for reviewing and hope you like the chapter!

LilyPrincess – Here's a much much faster update for you! Thanks for reviewing!

Moon*wolf2 – Mystic is right! I did just leave it there! But here's the next update and I hope you enjoyed it!

butterflyangel3 – It takes all of my self-control not to murder Peter in my fics!! I think I'll make Lily fit in pretty well with the guys, otherwise it won't work well when she marries him, will it? Lolz! Die, rat boy, die! Thanks or reviewing!

silv3rang3l – I took your advice and only added the A/N at the end this time … Thanks for reviewing and telling me!

Cestrel – It's funny, I like doing cliffys, but I hate reading them! But the cliffy was resolved in this chapter so I wasn't being THAT evil, was I? Lolz. Thanks for reviewing!

w/e - Wow … I'm in awe now … are you sure that I'm the first person ever to be reviewed by you? I'm truly honored! Thanks SO much for reviewing … wow!

Angel Street – Yeah, I didn't need you to tell me that I was evil! J/k! Thanks for reviewing!  


kat6528 – I make really bad things happen to Lily, don't I? Ah, well … hope you liked reading this chapter.

mmn673 – Well, here's some of the rest!

****

By the way, guys, I think that not all of the reviews I got showed up, because I'm sure I got notified of more than this by email … so thanks to anyone I didn't thank! Lolz.

Thank you also to those who put me on their fave authors list – with the new 1 person per screen name policy I can't tell who you are anymore so I'll just thank you all:

QoNFC 

ArtC-Fox 

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Larka 

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crazychick1 

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Ruth3 

Clavel 

Starborn

****

That's all folks! Expect another chapter within the week!

Luv

snowflakey


	10. Saving Lily

**Chapter 10 – Saving Lily**

~*~ 

James ignored all the students going to their next class; he had been entrusted to care for Lily and had failed miserably, so what was one measly Herbology class? It wasn't like Herbology was hard for him or anything. He was sure Peter, Sirius, and Remus had taken the map, but he just didn't know where they were … and if they had gotten hold of Lily. Sure, they were his best friends, but they were known as the lunatics of Hogwarts for a reason.

_Where would I go if I wanted to be alone and not interrupted?_

_The __Astronomy__Tower__.___

James didn't even pause to congratulate himself on his fantastic brainwave (fantastic for him, anyway) as he rushed up to the highest tower in the school. He climbed the rope ladder with haste, opened the trapdoor and burst into the room in much the same fashion as the other Marauders had done earlier. James adjusted his glasses so that he could actually see, and found himself face to face with some very guilty looking Marauders. 

"Uh, h-hi James … w-w-what are you doing here?" Peter stuttered nervously.

"What do you think? Where's Lily?"

The other Marauders all looked at their feet. They were good at lying, but not to their best friend. There was a long silence. Finally, Sirius lifted his head.

"We can't tell you," he said softly, looking straight into James's eyes. 

"Why the hell not?" James returned angrily.

"You're under a spell, James. You're so intoxicated with her you can't even see it. She's bewitched you, but you don't even know it!" Sirius said, his voice rising as he spoke faster and more confidently.

"You have to snap out of it! You've changed James. We don't know you any more. It used to be just the four of us, but we've lost you to Lily. You spend all of your time with her, you visited her every day while she was in hospital, but what does she do? Nothing!" 

As Sirius paused for breath, Remus took the opportunity to speak.

"We know you won't believe us, but you're under a spell,"

"I AM NOT!" James retorted angrily. "SHE CAN'T EVERN DO MAGIC, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I AM NOT GOING TO SPEAK TO ANY OF YOU UNTIL YOU TELL ME WHERE SHE IS!"

And with that, James slammed the door, opened the trapdoor and fell down it. He obviously wasn't concentrating. Seething with pain and anger, he got up, ran a hand through his hair, and tried his best to walk down the hallways in a dignified manner. Nobody was watching, of course; they were all in class. 

It was too late to go to Herbology, decided James, so he decided to start searching for Lily. Being logical for once, he started in the dungeons, planning to work his way up. Pity she was in a supplies closet in the Astronomy Tower.

But as ducked a nasty-looking silver substance oozing out of the closet he had just opened, James couldn't help but think about what Sirius and Remus had said. Was he really obsessed? Or was he just doing a job? He'd learnt a lot in the short time that he was around Lily. Her psychological problems ran much deeper than what he had first thought. For some obscure reason, he James, Potter, had just assumed that he, the all around good guy, could just some in and get Lily to talk again. Then, she would be bright and popular, despite her scarring, have heaps of friends, and, of course, date him. But Lily was different. She made James sit up and think about how lucky he was.

Lily was the type of person who would take meticulous notes in class, do really well in written tests, but just not be able to perform a simple spell, because she wouldn't speak. Even in potions, where she didn't have to say anything, she had cringed when the potion was brewed and tested, as if she were afraid it _would_ work. It was so hard to figure someone out when they couldn't – rather, wouldn't, talk. 

~*~ Back in the Astronomy Tower ~*~

"Well, that didn't go very well, did it, boys?" Sirius reflected. "James was supposed to immediately be released from the spell,"

"Maybe he really has just fallen in love," Remus suggested. Sirius looked horrified.

"That's impossible. Who could have fallen in love with _her?_ Nope, must have been something else. Obviously, separating them isn't going to work. No, I say we move on to plan b,"

"Sirius?" squeaked Peter.

"What?"

"We don't have a plan b,"

"But you see, Peter-Peter-Pumpkin-Eater, that's the beauty of it. I _do _have a plan b. Let me tell you. Firstly –"

"Perhaps it would be a good idea to let Lily out of the closet first," interjected Remus.

"Oh, yeah. Okay. I suppose we could do that,"

Lily, looking even more terrified then before, was let out of the closet. Shaking all the while, she slowly got as far away as she possibly could from the Marauders without falling out of the window again.

"Okay, Lily, this is what we're going to do," Remus said before Sirius could scare her even more.

"Separating you from James isn't going to work, so this is what we're going to do instead…"

~*~

James was sneaking down the hallways, hoping that his absence from Herbology was going to go unnoticed and praying that McGonagall was teaching a class. He had gone earlier to put his invisibility cloak back before he searched for Lily, not wanting to have the cloak weighing down on him. Now, he realized how much he needed it. Unfortunately, his prayers went unanswered, because behind him came the shout of

"Potter!"

Groaning inwardly, the latter slowly turned to face a menacing but slightly curious face of McGonagall. 

(A/N: do you get that? She wasn't mad at him, because she doesn't know why he's not in class, but she's pretty sure it's not because he's sick.)

"What are you doing out of class? More importantly, where's Lily?"

"Uh … she's … lost," 

"Lost?" McGonagall raised an eyebrow. 

"She ran out of potions and now nobody can find her,"

"Oh. Do you have any idea where she could have gone?"

James was stuck. He knew the Marauders had something to do with this, but if he told his Head of House then he'd be dobbing in his best friends. But … Lily could be in danger. 

"No. No idea."

~*~

Apparently lily's "disappearance" had been much more important than what James had first anticipated, because McGonagall went straight to the Headmaster, dragging a now very anxious James with her. James ran a hand through his hair anxiously as he stood outside the stone gargoyles, now lifeless, while Dumbledore and McGonagall conferred inside. He jumped as the gargoyles sprang to life, revealing the Headmaster and his transfiguration teacher inside of it. 

"My portraits have located Lily – she is in the Astronomy Tower," Dumbledore announced. James rolled his eyes; of course she would be there, that would be the last place he would have looked; especially without the Map. For crying out loud, he had just started searching the dungeon.

They began to head up to the Astronomy Tower.

~*~ In The Astronomy Tower ~*~

"Okay, Lily, let's go over this once more," said Sirius to a scarred-for-life (forget the pun) Lily.

"Since our dear James can't tear himself away from you, this is the deal. You have to be nice to him and do whatever he wants you to do. YOU WILL NOT BREAK HIS HEART. YOU WILL SPEAK TO HIM SOON. Do I make myself clear?" Sirius finished in a tone that would make McGonagall proud.

Lily nodded, trying to back away from him.

"Good." Sirius and Peter smiled in satisfaction, but Remus looked troubled. At that moment, for just about the thousandth time that day, the door burst open and Dumbledore, closely followed by McGonagall and James strode in.

"Ah, Headmaster!" said Sirius, quickly masking their shock at having the teachers burst in. "We had _just_ found Lily here, and we were _just_ about to find James and return her to him!"

All stared at him disbelievingly. 

"So … uh … here she is," 

"Right," McGonagall said.

"Well, Misters Black Lupin and Pettigrew, best be going to your next class now. Off you go,"

Gladly, the said boys left the Tower. Dumbledore continued.

"James, please do not let this happen again. You need to understand how important it is that Lily stays within your sight."

"I know," James interrupted. "It won't happen again," 

James was disappointed in himself for failing, and at that moment resolved not to let her out of his sight (within reason) again.

"Alright then," replied Dumbledore. "Off to class then,"

"Come on Lily," said James, taking her arm. "Let's go,"

~*~

**A/N: Longer chapters! Yeah! Thanks for reading!**


	11. Hunter

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Chapter 11

James took Lily back to Herbology, but it seemed that whatever happened with the other Marauders in the Astronomy Tower had affected her deeply, because she it an all time low. It was Thursday, and James was still procrastinating about what to do about the Quidditch match coming up on Saturday (A/N: Remember that, guys? That was quite a few chapters ago.). 

It would be Gryffindor's first game with James as captain, and not to show up would reflect very badly on him and the team. It wasn't fair to them either, as James had conducted the last practice from the grandstands side by side with Lily, not actually doing anything himself but yell at his team mates. But it wasn't like he could take Lily on his broom and play chaser position like _that_, could he? 

He swore inwardly with frustration; he was going around in circles. Next to him, Lily was just sitting there. Not even pretending to draw a sketch of her Fig-Willow, a magical cross between the two muggle trees, she had her head in her hands, face hidden from view.

"Lily?" James asked. "Are you all right?"

Predictably, Lily said nothing.

She just ignored James. In the little time James had been acquainted with Lily, she had put all of her trust and hope in him, like a very young child. He supposed that was what she was, mentally, but she somehow seemed more mature than that, not just in body, but in mind. 

Even when she would not even look at anyone else, she had always responded in some way, shape or form to James, but all of a sudden, she wasn't. And he wanted to kill the Marauders for it.

~*~

For the crown you've placed upon my head

Feels to heavy now.

And I don't know what to say to you

But I'll smile anyhow

~*~

As soon as class was over, meaning that it was lunch time, James made sure that Lily made it to the Great Hall, sat her down, unsuccessfully tried to convince her to eat, all the while with her blatantly ignoring him. Waiting for the Marauders to arrive so that he could grill their butts, James looked around. 

In this short period of time, he had become so completely different. He had lost many of his friends due to Lily, who no longer felt comfortable speaking to him, hadn't kissed a girl in ages, although he still had the female population of Hogwarts admiring him from afar, had seemingly lost his egotistical manner and become serious. 

What for, though?

For Lily. Why did he, James, always feel the need to play the hero and help people in need?  

~*~

For the crown you've placed upon my head feels too heavy now  
  


And I don't know what to say to you but I'll smile anyhow  
  


And all the time I'm thinking, thinking  
  


I want to be a hunter again, want to see the world alone again  
  


To take a chance on life again, so let me go.

~*~

But James knew he couldn't give up. He knew that he was bound to Lily, and there was nothing he could do. With one big sigh, he realized he would just have to grin and bear it, because there was no going back now.

He saw Sirius, Remus and Peter swagger through the open doors to the Hall, and couldn't believe they'd changed so much in his absence. So up themselves. So proud. Proud for being popular. Well, it looked like James had lost his popularity now. And looking at the Marauders approach the Gryffindor table as if they owned the place, he realized that he'd probably lost his name on the Marauder's Map as well.

But surely, they knew he was going through a rough time, with his mother dying and Lily around didn't they?

Surely they would stick by him?

Or would they find another leader? Someone else to fill the gap in the group? Because four was company, but with the addition of Lily, five was a crowd. 

James clenched his fists as he got up. Why did that goddamn girl have to come in and make everything so difficult?

Walking over to where his "best friends" were about to sit down, James tapped Sirius on the shoulder, and, with all the self-control he could muster, asked for "a word".

"Sure, Prongsie," yelled Sirius jovially, swinging an arm around James' shoulder that the latter wasted no time shaking off. Once outside the hall, after making sure he could see Lily, he hissed

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?"

"Bringing you back to earth, mate. What happened to the James we used to know?" shot back Sirius.

"What happened to you guys is the real question! You've become so different!" retorted James.

"No we haven't! What the hell are _you doing with Lily in the first place? She's just a random muggleborn! You don't even _know_ her! We're losing a Marauder, just because of Lily Evans!" said Remus, angrily._

"Get out of my sight," hissed James, and turned to go back into the Great Hall. For the first time it occurred to him. Maybe it wasn't them that changed. Maybe it was _him. _The thought of that made him recoil with fear. 

James pushed all of these thoughts to the back of his mind and went back to trying to convince Lily to eat again.

~*~ Back at the entrance to the Hall ~*~

"Shit!" squeaked Peter. "It wasn't supposed to go like that!"  
  


"You reckon?" Sirius snapped sarcastically, messing up his hair not unlike what James used to do.

"What do we do now?" they asked together. James may have had doubts, but they were definitely going to stick by our favorite Marauder. They were fickle people, but one of their qualities was that they knew the true value of friendship, something that would last through Hogwarts and beyond.

Sirius and Peter began suggesting ways to get James back to his old self, each more stupid than the last (think drugging his food to make him boisterous, or stealing a voice box from a banshee for Lily and you'll have a pretty good idea of what they were discussing.).

Remus, on the other hand, stared at James through the doors of the Great Hall and looked at James. He saw patience, kindness, and a love for others that he knew Sirius and Peter didn't have. Although all four Marauders looked to be on the same side, two were fighting to push Lily out, and one was fighting to keep her. Remus wasn't so sure anymore of where he stood. He had always known that he'd have to grow up someday, but was happy to wait until after Hogwarts. But he was starting to think. Maybe he was better off supporting James. It seemed there was more to him than just an infatuation for Lily. James hadn't told anyone his mother had died, so it was quite a shock to the potions class. Remus was sure James needed support, and was trying to save Lily in order to make himself feel better, because he knew the Marauders wouldn't.

Remus, thinking this through, knew that James was right on this account. Sirius and Peter just couldn't see it yet. What Remus did, or didn't do, could make or break the already fragile relationship between the once inseparable four. He could support Lily and make her included in their "activities", or he could follow Sirius. He knew he had to support James, just as James had supported him in first year when he found out about Remus' lycanthropy. 

But did Remus really have the courage to do that?

~*~

James awkwardly sat down in front of Dumbledore. Lily was to the left of him, looking at the phoenix, Fawkes. It was Thursday night and she hadn't eaten anything all day (she wasn't a fan of breakfast). She already had a slim figure to start with, and would rapidly lose weight if she stopped eating.

Dumbledore surveyed James (not Harry!) over his half-moon glasses. (A/N: Sorry, couldn't resist!)

"You're finding it a lot harder than you first thought, aren't you James?" he said quietly. Lily, still looking at Fawkes, appeared to be still ignoring them both, but if the past few days were anything to go by, James knew she would be listening intently.

"Yes, Headmaster. She appears to be ignoring me and not eating," replied James.

Lily's face, as per usual, was expressionless.

"Very well. If you would like to step outside or a moment, James, I would like to speak with Miss. Evans.

James obligingly waited outside until Lily joined him. For the first time ever, she looked him straight in the eye. 

"Want to go down to the kitchens?" he grinned.

Lily nodded, and the two began to make their way to the portrait of the bowl of fruit, their problems forgotten for the moment.

~*~

Remus took a deep breath and faced Sirius and Peter. A million thoughts were rushing through his head, but he swallowed and forced himself to speak calmly.

"Guys?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I have a new plan C. One that will work,"

"Well," said Sirius impatiently. "C'mon, spit it out, we don't have all night!"

"Okay. Here's the plan,"

Once again, they huddled around, and at the end, for once, instead of following the crowd, Peter voiced his own opinion.

"You know what? It might just be crazy enough to work …"

Sirius was a little harder to convince, but after Remus listed all the advantages Lily could provide by being in the group (like covering for them, helping them do last minute exam cramming, having a pretty girl on the scene – save the face) a grin spread over Sirius' face.

"I like it."

~*~

"Okay, let's go over this one more time," said Remus, obviously in his element. "Sirius, can you recap for us?"

"Okay. We start to include Lily in our escapades - her and James. We be nice to her. We make everyone else be nice to her. And Lily gets happier. So happy that she can talk again, date James, they marry and have a gazillion kids. That way, James saves his reputation, makes Lily happy and we can all be together again!"

"I doubt Lily's problems are going to _magically disappear, but it's worth a try," grinned Remus. His plan had gone along much better than he imagined, and if it kept going as well, he could gradually lead the Marauders to change. Even if Lily never recovered, hopefully by then they would have changed enough to accept_

~*~

**How did you like that? There were about twenty scene changes in that chapter, but heaps happened. I hope it was worth the wait. Let me know how you think it's going. **

**A big thankyou to all of my reviewers (I've found a new system now – mention everyone, respond to those who ask questions, and everyone's happy!)**

poppysmith

Elessar - OMG! You just gave me the best idea! Thanks SO much! Do mind if I use that idea? I'd dedicate the chapter to you if you like …

ManiacPlea

hypersmileg

ZombieGurl98

BaDmInToN fReAk

ChildofMidnight – Kind of – Lily's very sensitive. She won't talk because Sirius told her to, but in this chapter you see definite changes to her behavior.

Kris-tina4

Summerkins

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alaskaiscold 

Larka

Selina Marie Souza

pokie4389

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JamesNLily4Ever

Hyper Fairy Queen

ElizabethMM

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kat6528

Black_Rose1212 

LittleEar BigEar's sis

Shinning Crystal – I tried to make this one longer … 

shortnsassy

i o u a name

Fresh-AngelBabe

JerseyGirl03

JCtigerwolf4e

vamperfly

Hermione246

Angel Street

kevin luver – That's not something I can really explain … the Marauders don't exactly realize they're being so mean, they're just caught up in their own world … does that make sense to you?

shadowed.phoenix

Demeter, Goddess of Protection – Uh, sorry, but I didn't mean to offend you. You didn't show up on the list when I wrote the chapter. I made extra special care to thank you in this one. Sorry!

Katie 

Drone 233248 – I don't think you're bitchy at all – you help me to understand my story better by asking logical questions that people like me can't even dream of thinking! Please tell me your opinions, I love to read them, good or bad.

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ShortStuff10

**And thanks to these people for adding me to their favorite author's list:**

JCtigerwolf4e

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**I'm trying to keep this A/N short so I only have three more things to say:**

**1) ****Thanks to all the people who wished me luck in my dance competition. I WON! And I'm going to nationals in November.**

**2) ****If you want to be e-mailed when I update this, please either email me at snowflakelatte@hotmail.com or so say in your review.**

**3) ****Something to look forward to in the next chapter – James sees a healer – the magical replica of a plastic surgeon. Wonder how that will turn out, hmm?**

**That's all folks! Until next chapter! (which you won't have to wait so long for!)**

**Snowflakey**


	12. MakeOver

**Actions Speak Louder Than Words**

****

**Chapter 12 **

**_Dedicated to Captain Oblivious_**

Lily sighed quietly as she stared out the window in Herbology the next afternoon, whilst waiting for class to start. James was sitting next to her, tapping his fingers and looking around. Lily liked James a lot, he was the only student who actually cared about her. When you're a fourteen year old girl who has felt incredibly low since she was eleven, this was a pretty big thing.

She kind of wished they didn't have to be together all the time, though.

She didn't talk, not because of some deep psychological reason after what her father did to her. At least, not in her opinion. It had gradually become a habit to her. When she was in hospital, for the first couple of days, she couldn't even open her mouth for all the bandages and gauze on her face and shoulder. Then, after they came off, nobody really expected her to say much. She might have smiled or nodded at a kindly nurse, but not much else. Then came The Counselor.

The Counselor was a balding man, perhaps fifty or fifty-five who seemed ultimately depressed. He had sympathized with her deeply, over and over again, and just rubbed in all of what happened to her. For an eleven year old who used to be exuberant and happy, making her depressed was not something a doctor would have recommended. 

Lily had just wanted to forget and move on. Ignore the fact that her face was scarred forever and move on. The story had attracted a lot of publicity when Lily was first admitted to hospital, and if she had ever gone back to muggle school, no-one would laugh at her or tease her. She used to have been popular, and they just would have felt sorry for her. Things would have been said behind her back, but not to her face, and a girl like Lily could have handled that.

But when The Counselor had to go and rehash everything over and over again, trying to get her over it, she had to shut him out. She couldn't live like that every day, in the past, wishing her father was dead. So she shut him out. Ignored him and everything he said. Didn't say one word to him ever again. 

For three years, every day she saw The Counselor and ignored him, and every day he made a fortune out of flicking elastic bands at the wall. She started to ignore things she didn't want to hear. Things that the nurses said. Her face will never get better. Things her mother said. Your daddy went to jail today. Eventually, it got so depressing that she shut out everyone. Everything. Even the kindly nurse.

Eventually, that ignoring people just turned into not talking at all.

But then she went to Hogwarts. Away from her mother, the nurses, The Counselor. Coming to Hogwarts was the best thing that had ever happened to her. She knew why they didn't just come with their magic wands and get her the hell out of there. They wanted her to recover and get her self esteem back before she went anywhere. 

But when, after three years of studying magic out of sight from the nurses, she wasn't going anywhere. She wasn't any better. So Albus Dumbledore insisted that she come to Hogwarts anyway.

It was so easy, in the hospital, to become sad and indifferent. To never be happy or joyful, barely existing, without a soul. But coming to Hogwarts changed everything. She saw happy people, like James, who made her want to be happy as well. She found hope in the darkness. She saw a new beginning for herself, even if she was talked about and stared at all the time. Just because she looked ugly (or so she thought) and didn't speak didn't make her a target, right?

Wrong. Then Malfoy's gang attacked her and she was in hospital again. At least the bloody Counselor wasn't there. But where she thought she could have a safe life, and had begun to feel secure, she was hurt, bones broken and wrists slashed. She was fully recovered physically, but vivid memories of her not being able to stand up for herself haunted her dreams each night. 

Then James came along, once more, and hope entered her life. She had almost died again at the top of the Astronomy Tower, but that had just left her numb. She had shut Sirius' earlier threats out, but was scared again all the same. So what if she didn't feel like eating? No biggie. But, nooooooooo, James just _had _to go and take her up to bloody Dumbledore.

(A/N: Here it is, those who wanted it.).

Dumbledore had spoken, quietly and clearly to her yesterday, and Lily remembered every word he had said.

_"Lily, this is hard for you. It's hard for everyone. But you can't just shut people out anymore when you feel like it. Time heals all wounds, but only when you let it. You're spiraling downwards again, Lily. You're falling into depression. I only ask one thing of you._

_Believe Lily. Believe in something besides death and hate, greed and lies. What you've been through isn't what the rest of the world is like. Not at Hogwarts. Not when you have friends to protect you._

_You will always have people that will try and bring you down. The world is full of Lucius Malfoys, those who hurt others and get away with it because it cannot be proved._

_A very powerful wizard once said something to me. His name was Nicholas Flamel, and he was a very wise man, and had won many wars. I once asked him 'what is most important to you? Love, faith or hope' I had expected him to say hope, for all of those dark times during Grindelwald, or faith, because his wife had helped him to get through everything. But he didn't. He said love. Do you know why, Lily?"_

_For the first time in his office, she lifted her head and looked him straight in the eye._

_"Because this is what he said._

_I believe in love, because with love comes faith and hope._

_Believe in love, Lily, and on your part, the world will become a better place for you."_

_And with that, he relinquished her to James._

~*~

James drummed his fingers on the table at Herbology, but the young Professor Sprout hadn't showed up yet. Neither had half the class, as Sprout was known to be lenient. He impatiently leant back in his chair and looked at Lily out of the corner of his eye. As per usual, she was writing in her notebook. He was dying to know what she was writing in it, and if it was about him, or that conversation that changed her attitude with Dumbledore. He didn't want to pry though. They spent every waking (and sleeping) minute near each other, and he knew she wanted space. Hell, so did he. But neither of them could get out of it. Not now, anyway. So he went back to forming ideas of how to make Lily's life better as it was. She was flooing to St. Mungo's for a check-up that afternoon, and as James wasn't her father/mother, this was the only time he got a break from being next to her.

_But you've got to make choices   
  
_

_Be wrong or right   
  
_

_Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like … _

He was going to visit a cosmetic healer and find out why the hell they hadn't already fixed her face. James knew that making the other half of her face wouldn't cure all of her problems, but it would make life a lot easier for her at school.

He looked at her sadly. If only her father hadn't thrown acid in her face. Her life would have been so different. They would have been friends. She probably would have _dated_ him. But look at her now. She was so pretty, face downwards. Petite, with pretty hair and nice skin. And from what he read of her notebook, she was even more beautiful, on the inside. If only her father hadn't done what he did … 

Hang on a second. Did he, James Potter, like Lily Evans?

No, he couldn't. That didn't happen to James Potter. 

_Then why do you sing praises about how pretty she is in your head?_ A voice inside him asked.

But before he had time to process the thought, the unthinkable happened. The Marauders, the height of cool, which turned the head of almost every girl in the year (and quite a few others) swaggered over to them. Lily shoved her notebook and quill hurriedly into her book bag.

"Shove over, Jamesie," Sirius said loudly. He sat down next to Lily, who immediately backed away into "Jamesie". Peter and Remus followed suit, Peter sitting next to Sirius and Remus beside James.

"What are you doing?" James asked, not sure whether to be angry, confused, or…what? After all, they'd just had a big fight, and James had thought the Marauders had finished with him forever. Apparently not. They were sitting next to him in class, which lowered them about five places on the popularity ladder, and being, well, _nice to both him and Lily._

"We're sitting with you guys. What does it look like?" laughed Remus jovially. The whole classroom (everyone else had come in by now) was staring. 

"What are you looking at?" Peter said. "These people are our friends,"

Lily stared.

James stared.

The whole class stared.

Professor Sprout, who had just entered, didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. She liked Lily. You didn't have to speak to be good at Herbology. 

Well into the lesson, James and Lily kept stealing weird looks at the other Marauders, convinced they had some ulterior motive and it was some kind of conspiracy against them. But Remus said

"We just realized some stuff. We value you guys more than anything." 

It took a while longer, but James trusted them again when at the end of the lesson they Marauder Swore they were speaking the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. 

And when James made a decision, Lily followed.

~*~ 

Sitting in the common room, waiting for McGonagall to take them to her office, where they would Floo to St. Mungo's for Lily's check-up, Lily wrote in her notebook while James sat in thought. For the first time that day, the Marauders had finally left them alone, thank God. 

James didn't know what to do about the Quidditch match. Today was Friday, tomorrow was the match. He had to be at the game. He was captain. He also had to be with Lily.

_But if I get Remus to take care of her … where Dumbledore and all that can see him …_

James felt as if a load had come off his shoulders. It was so simple he didn't know why Dumbledore hadn't thought of it. If he sat Lily with Remus within his sight and Dumbledore's, he could still play whilst keeping an eye on her. Perfect. He would ask McGonagall on the way to the hospital.

Meanwhile, in Lily's little green notebook:

_Dear Diary,_

_Today I'm going to St. Mungo's for a check-up. It'll be fine, only take a few minutes, but I'm dreading it anyway. Three years is a long time to spend in a hospital, and I'm dead sick of them. I wish I could look pretty again. I wish I had the courage to talk. Life is a whole lot of wishes, hopes and dreams that have been shattered for me so far. But I keep thinking of what Dumbledore said. _Believe in love, because with love comes faith and hope._ Maybe one day somebody will love me, even though I look ugly. _

_I think the Marauders like me anyway. I _know_ James likes me anyway._

_I did not just write that. _Lily scribbled out the line above. 

_James just feels sorry for me. He's such a sweet person though. Maybe, just maybe, one day he'll get past my face and see me. Or has he already? Ugh. No. I don't want to think about it now. But he's so cute …_

_Lily._

At that moment, McGonagall beckoned to the two to come with her to St. Mungo's.

_~*~_

_No point in talking what you should have been   
  
_

_And regretting the things that went on   
  
_

_Life's full of mistakes, destinies and fate   
  
_

_Remove the clouds look at the bigger picture_

~*~ At St. Mungo's (James P.O.V.) ~*~

James shifted uncomfortably in his plastic chair as the cosmetic healer entered. His name was Dr. Blazek, and he would have been about forty. James wasted no time in pleasantries, he was, after all, a Potter, and Potters were excellent businessmen. He immediately inquired as to why it was so expensive to fix Lily's face.

"Well," said Dr. Blazek slowly, leaning back in his nice, comfy office swivel chair. "What you have to understand, James, is that this is more than just a 'swish and flick' solution. Do you know what acid does to skin?"

_Yeah. It makes life hell for people. _

"No," he said out loud.

"It eats through and destroys the skin. It could have easily eaten all the way through to her brain, you know. Then she would most likely be dead."

James said nothing. He was kind of numb at the thought of lily being … well … dead. The doctor continued.

"Because this has eaten into her skin in such a way, each layer of the skin on her fact will have to be taken off, with new skin put on in place of that. This is a very lengthy process, and will cost a lot of money. We don't just have new skin lying around anywhere, you know,"

James doubted that. 

"So, how much exactly will that cost?" asked James, thinking that maybe he could use some of the money he got every year for Christmas.

Dr. Blazek told him and his eyes widened. That would be a hell of a lot of Christmases. It would cost 34,000 galleons to fix her face entirely, and have it grow normally for the rest of her life. (That's about $250 000 for us muggles). But it was worth it, James convinced himself. His parents had more than enough for that, but getting them to spend it for Lily was the only problem. He would find a way, though.

"Done," he said.

Dr. Blazek raised his eyebrows in obvious surprise. 

"I need permission from your parents, son,"

"Sure," He'd forge a letter that night.

"You need Lily to consent,"

"Sure," he knew Lily would want this. After all, that was mostly what she talked about in her diary, wasn't it?

"Okay, then," said Blazek said, still absorbing the fact that a fourteen year old was going to pay more than what he himself earned in a year to fix Lily Evans' face. It would be hard, and to be honest, he didn't really have the guts to see the girls' skin hanging in his co-workers office.

His co-worker was kind of strange…

McGonagall, in what must have been a miracle, approved the operation.

~*~

The next couple of weeks was a dream. Gryffindor won their match versus Ravenclaw easily, Lily's mother gave permission for her child to get her face fixed, and James charged the mammoth amount to his parents' vault in Gringotts with out them knowing. He doubted they'd miss it, and if they did, James would just have to tell them the truth.

It was over a month before Lily went in for the operation, and James was so impaitent he couldn't stand without jumping around. Lily was shy around him again, but that didn't matter to him.

They were in the Christmas season, and there would be a Christmas Eve Ball – there was one for the fourth years and above every second year. James hadn't bothered to make any plans, he figured if Lily wanted to dance with someone else, which would seem very out of character, then he could pick up a date there. It wasn't that hard. But if he were lucky, Lily would be looking exactly as she would have if she had not been hit with acid on the night, if he could persuade her to go.

Remus' current girlfriend, Renee DeFilipa, a Gryffindor girl who lived in the dorm next door to Lily's old one, had kindly taken Lily on a shopping trip to Hogsmeade to buy things or the ball. Lily had given no indication of whether or not she would be going, but it was assumed she would. James gave money to Renee for the dress robes. 

Renee had refused to tell him anything about them except they were "stunning on her" and that he had "better force her to go to the ball she's gonna look so good". James figured he'd take her advice.

James had been sitting in the bloody waiting room for four and a half hours now, waiting for Lily and Dr. Blazek to come out. The door opened, and the latter came out, looking extremely happy with himself. Maybe he'd convinced his co-worker not to hand her skin on his office wall. 

Hiding behind him it seemed, was Lily. 

Blazek stepped to the side and Lily came into James' view. He gaped.

"May I present to you," Blazek announced. "The new, improved Lily Evans."

Lily was stunning. 

She now had two bright green eyes that stood out from her pale complexion. Her skin was now perfect, without any freckles or blemishes from being in hospitals so long. He doubted that many of the Hogwarts students would recognise her if it hadn't been for her hair, which seemed so much happier and more shiny now.

She was perfect in James' eyes. The last few months had been hard, but this was more than worth it.

But what meant more than anything to him was when Lily looked him straight in the eyes. She didn't say a word, but her green eyes said one thing.

_Thank you._

This gave James such a feeling of joy that he could never express in words.

He knew, right then, that he was meant to be with her forever.

**A/N: This isn't then end guys! There's more to go!**

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**A random thing that Harry Potter would never say:**

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	13. Early Relizations

Life, from that moment on, changed dramatically for Lily. In the short space of time in between that trip to and from Dr. Blazek's office, not much had changed on the inside. She was still the same troubled, confused girl that James had seen when she first came to Hogwarts. She still didn't speak, still wrote in the same little green notebook and still trusted only James.   
  
But the rest of Hogwarts didn't see what was happening inside Lily's head. They only saw the superficial. The saw the stunningly pretty, pure girl that hung around with the one and only James Potter. They saw a girl with so many opportunities ahead. So many friends, so many guys all wanting to be with her. They saw a girl who had everything. They conveniently forgot what they had first thought when Lily joined at the beginning of the year.   
  
But Lily hadn't. She smiled quite a lot, and looked so much happier than what she used to, but there was always that nagging voice in the back of her head that kept telling her that all of her 'friends' only liked her because of her looks.   
  
For the next week at school, life for Lily was a whole new ball game. She had struggled so much to blend in when she first came that most people didn't even recognize her. She nervously enjoyed the attention of the girls that instantly acted like her best friends, and the guys who gave her admiring looks from across the Great Hall. None of those guys dared to get close to her. After all, she had James Potter following her around 24/7.   
  
James thought it was great. Looks meant so much at Hogwarts, and he had hoped that Lily's 'makeover' would bring her out of her shell. In all appearances, it seemed to be working, but you could never tell with Lily.

That week in Transfiguration, James had a brainstorm. Such an intense brainstorm, in fact, that he fell off his chair, and the blade of grass he was supposed to be transfiguring into a vase of roses got squashed by his hand. Swearing under his breath, but grinning all the while, he looked up to face McGonagall.   
  
"And what, may I ask, are you doing on the floor, Mr. Potter?"   
  
James tried to think fast.   
  
"I was … uh … picking up my blade of grass!" James recovered brightly, holding up his squashed item for the class to see.   
  
"Detention." McGonagall said as she turned to help Cindy Bulstrode get rid of the thorns on her blade of grass. "And next time, don't lie."   
  
Okay, maybe he hadn't recovered so well.   
  
He didn't care. He'd just had a brainstorm. He didn't know why he hadn't thought of it before. Lily wrote all the time in her diary. That was her way of speaking to him. Of course. He would write notes to her.

As soon as he was sure McGonagall had her back turned, James grabbed a quill and parchment and tried to think of what to write. He hurriedly scribbled something and slid it across the desk to Lily, who instead of using her wand was writing, predictably, in her little green notebook. She nearly needed a new one now, almost all of the pages were used up.   
  
~*~   
  
Lily looked up from writing in her notebook to meet the eyes of Cindy Bulstrode, who was sitting a couple of rows in front of her. As if Cindy knew she was being watched, she turned around and gave Lily a bright, happy smile. Lily didn't smile back. She had used to be a forgiving person, but only a week or two ago, in the same classroom, sitting in the same position, Cindy had turned around to glare at Lily before turning around to giggle and laugh with her friends. Things like that really cut deep with Lily, and she hadn't forgotten.   
  
She enjoyed the attention of some girls, particularly from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, as they had never been nasty to her face before her healing. Thankfully, Lily had the sense to know that those who hadn't wanted to get to know her before her healing weren't worth knowing. It annoyed her that girls like Cindy suddenly acted like her best friend.   
  
They were trying to tear her away from James as well, something Lily deeply resented. James was her rock, her lighthouse, her sun, her whatever. He was what kept her sane when she nearly went crazy. It was the thought of him that stopped her wanting to jump off the Astronomy Tower when the other side of her head was arguing so desperately for it.   
  
James was everything to Lily. And in the past few days, she had come to see him in a different light. 

She turned to her left to look at him. Dark brown hair, so dark it looked black, glasses framing clear blue eyes with a bit of brown … how come she had never seen all this before? She looked back to Cindy, and saw that she was looking at James as well. Lily immediately felt angry and protective. James, who was busy writing something on a scrap of paper, was unaware he was being watched. 

It was well known around the school that Cindy was going for James, and Lily didn't like it at all. James was nice, honest and trustworthy, and Cindy was none of these things.

Lily realized something with a bang. Could she be … jealous?

No, she couldn't be. That would mean that she liked James in *that* way, and that would never happen … would it? No, Lily tried to convince herself, she was just protective of him, like he was for her.

She heard snickering from Sirius and Remus; they had seen her looking, dare she say it, adoringly at James. Before she could blush or look away or anything, James passed her a slip of notepaper across to Lily. Their fingers touched as Lily received it, and Lily could hear Sirius and Remus snickering even louder. 

Lily opened and read the note.

Dear Lils,

Hi, how ya doing? I just had the extremely bright idea of writing notes to you instead of expecting you to talk to me. See, this way you can talk to me and tell me exactly what you're feeling without … well … talking. So yeah. I'll start talking.

Y'know Cindy, two rows in front of us? (Lily felt like snorting. Of course she knew Cindy).

She keeps looking at me funny.  It's starting to scare me. I vote we don't sit with her at dinner tonight. That okay with you? It doesn't really seem like we get along with her.

Your friend, James.

Lily read the note with both good and bad feelings. Good, that he didn't like Cindy and didn't want to sit with her or anything. Good, that he felt he got along better with her than with Cindy. Good that he found another way to communicate with her. She'd thought of it long ago, but never put it into action. 

But then there was the bad. What would James think if he knew Lily was "looking at him funny"? And then the fact that he signed it "Your friend". Would he ever see her as more than a friend? Or would he always feel pity for the once crippled Lily, who owed him so much for paying for her face to be fixed. Lily knew she was overanalyzing, but she couldn't help it. A week ago, James was a kind, generous person who did nothing more than just keep her sanity anchored. Now, it was so different, and Lily couldn't stop thinking about him.

The bell rang, signaling classes were over for the day. Lily tucked the note between her books, and mentally composed a reply.

In study hall, where all the students were under teacher's supervision whilst they did their homework and assignments, Lily and James were passing notes in earnest, whilst Peter, Remus and Sirius tried to hold back their laughter. Anyone looking at them would know that they liked each other, but neither knew that the other person liked it back.

James was still trying to get over Lily's new look. He wanted so much to be more than friends with her, but had many insecurities about it. What if Lily thought he only liked her because of her looks? That certainly wasn't true; the note passing and reading Lily's diary only strengthened their friendship.

Their friendship. What if things didn't work out, and that ruined the bond between them? What if Lily turned him down, and didn't even think of him in *that way*? Was it worth it?

He passed another note to Lily.

***Lils,

I'm booooooooooorrrrrrrreeed! Wanna get out of here?

James.***

Lily grinned, a strand of red hair falling in front of her eyes. She wore it in a ponytail now, not ashamed of her face.

***J

Sure. How?

***L

James grinned.

***Watch.***

He grabbed Lily's hand (loving the spark of electricity that shot up his arm) and they went over to McGonagall, who was sitting out the front.

"Excuse me, Professor," said James, grinning. He was part of the Marauder gang, and they created trouble, but he was still the one to have taken on Lily.

"Yes, Potter?" McGonagall  looked up.

"I was wondering if Lily and I could check out a book we need in the library. It would help us with we're covering in class at the moment,"

James had no idea what they were covering in class at the moment. He'd been too busy staring at Lily to notice.

"of course. Here's your slip." You required a slip to get out of Study Hall.

"See," said James as they walked out. "Easy as that,"

Lily giggled, and James looked a little shocked. He had heard whimpers and cries and sort of screams escape her mouth before, but no giggles.

Lily felt like giggling some more just seeing the look of surprise on James' face. She tried not to shake as the thought of what she was about to do. She wanted to talk. To James. To tell him how she felt. 

She and James ran quickly across the grass outside, in order to hide behind a tree where no-one from inside the castle could see them. Should he tell her his feelings? James wondered. Now would be an opportune moment, but he wasn't sure he had the guts.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,  
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears,  
and I held your hand through all of these years,  
but you still...have...all of me_

He was about to say something, as they sat in companionable silence, but Lily turned to him.

"James?" she barely whispered.

"Yes?" unconsiously, he lowered his voice to a whisper as he stared into her eyes.

"I-I think I'm in love with you." 

Oops. Lily liked him, but she had said love. Then again, maybe it was her heart talking.

A thousand thoughts ran through James' head. _She talking! Talking to me! She likes me! She LOVES me!_

"I love you too Lily Evans," said James.

And with that, he kissed her.

A/N: YAAYY! Finished. I'm in a huge hurry now, 'coz in 5 minutes I'm leaving for holidays for a week. Rest assured, the next chapter will ome much sooner. 

This story isn't finished yet!

Sorry, no time for thankyous. Next chapter.

Bye!


	14. Trouble in Paradise

**A/N: I forgot to say something last chapter. A few reviewers said that Lily and James getting together was a bit rushed.**

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**This is EXACTLY THE POINT!!**

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**They get together too quickly when they aren't mature enough! We see that in this chapter.**

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**Trouble In ****Paradise****.   
  
Lily had never been kissed before, and it definitely ranked as one of the best feelings she had ever experienced. After spending a while up in the Astronomy Tower just standing in each other's arms, they had both come back to the dorm to take showers, both looking incredibly happy. Lucky Peter, Remus and Sirius were off doing something, or they would've had some tricky questions to answer.   
  
But now, as Lily sat on her bed whilst James took his shower, she was having thoughts. Her blurting out that one sentence to James had caused more repercussions that what she'd imagined. She had wanted to start by saying that she liked James in a more than platonic way, and discuss things from there. Her voice, even after years of misuse, was perfectly fine, abeit very soft, and she wanted to use that special moment to communicate with him in words. Sure, the kiss(es!) were great and everything, but Lily couldn't help but feel she had gotten more than a little caught up in the moment.   
  
Lily obviously felt very strongly for James, and when she looked up into his eyes, she couldn't control herself, and that scared her. For three years she had been a statue of a person who had control over whether she spoke or not. That was just about the only thing she _could_ control. But what she had just done was so not her – so out of character that she couldn't believe she had actually done it.   
  
Do Lily really love him, or was it just a short infatuation with someone that had "saved" her? She wasn't so sure anymore. **

On the other end of the scale, James was in ecstasy. In the shower, he was practically singing, not something he normally did. In fact, at the moment, he was blissfully trying to compose what he would say to Lily when he got out and it was her turn in the bathroom. None of the sentences he made up in his head came out right when he practiced on the bar of soap in his hand. You see, James wanted to ask Lily to the upcoming Christmas Dance.   
  
He knew she had a dress. He knew the girls in her year would help her get ready, so why wouldn't she go? He knew she had previously had no real intention of going, but if he asked her, she would want to go, right?   
  
He tried to imagine what Lily would be doing when he came out of the bathroom. Would she be smiling up at him, ready to talk to him? Or would she be shy and blush as she squeezed past him?   
  
_No time like the present to find out _he thought, and stepped out of the shower, dried himself off (too bad this isn't a TV show where we can see all this!) and wrapped a towel around him self before opening the bathroom door.   
  
James had expected many things of Lily's reaction, but what he didn't expect was to find her curled up in her bed, shutting out the world and ignoring everything, just like she used to. James had absolutely no idea what to do, but he had to get the question out of his system before he exploded.   
  
"Lily?" Lily ignored him just like she used to.   
  
James took a deep breath and rushed in.   
  
"Will you please go to the Dance with me Lily? Please?"   
  
Lily said nothing, but she stiffened in what seemed like shock. Barely fuctioning, she got up and ran into the bathroom, her face hidden from view by her hair.   
  
"Damn," muttered James. Perhaps it wasn't such a good time to ask.   
  
~*~   
  
Lily sighed as the shower water ran over her shoulders, and in the mix of tears, water and soap tried to work out exactly what she was feeling.   
  
Scared. Of how she felt about James. Of how when she looked into his eyes she felt ready to give him everything. Of the power of their kiss.   
  
Confused. About how quickly things were going, and she couldn't stop them. About how after she told him she "loved" him, he kissed her. Why couldn't they talk for a while before getting into anything? She just wasn't ready.   
  
_But he won't know that until you tell him_ she thought to herself.   
  
And then she was sick. Sick of always shutting everything out, when she felt overwhelmed or something didn't go the way she wanted it to. Sick of being so young, acting like a child.   
  
Maybe that was because, emotionally, she still was a child.   
  
But that thought didn't occur to her. She felt so strongly for James, and was so sick of running away.   
  
_Maybe it's time I finally started facing up to things_, she thought. She went back out, and when James worked up the nerve to question her about the dance, she smiled and nodded. James was still kind of confused, but elated that she said yes. 

~*~

The days leading up to the dance were very confusing for most. James and Lily, much more awkward after the dramatic change in their relationship with each other, didn't really speak. James, however, kept an even closer and more protective eye on Lily, confusing the rest of the Marauders, And then there was the rest of the school, who were about as nosy as you could get, but had really no idea what was going on.

The night of the dance was fast approaching, and the whole school was excited. The third years and below weren't allowed to go unless with a date, but since they had their own parties in their respective common rooms, the excitement was infecting everyone. 

Sirius, Remus and Peter all had no trouble getting dates, all nice girls in their year. James, of course, was going with Lily, but nobody really caught on to the fact that the two were actually a couple, as it would have been James' obligation to go with her anyway. James and Lily didn't mind, though, they were confused enough as it was. 

James really wanted to talk to Lily, but she seemed to have clammed up in that sense, and he didn't want to push his luck. They had kissed on more than one occasion in the last few days, and Lily seemed truly happy for once. Life was good.

Until the night of the ball.

The ball was a disaster. Lily had been left in the care of the girls to get ready, and James spent some time with the Marauders while waiting for the girls to come down the staircase (CLICHÉ ALERT!!) and meet their dates. 

Even the girls who put nothing into their appearance looked good. The rest of the Marauders all had "hot dates", but they were nothing compared to Lily.

Lily slowly and shyly descended the staircase wearing white dress robes. They were plain, but nothing could have had a better effect. The robe was a soft satin, with a halter neck and a fitted waist, as well as a flare at the bottom, which went past her knees.

He hair was half up, half down, with a few strands framing her face. She looked like an angel. James, predictably, was stunned. So stunned, in fact, that he couldn't speak. 

The actual dance was very much like a muggle formal. The great hall was set for dinner, but instead of the long, plain tables and benches, there was small, individual tables that fit about eight each, and everyone was seated with their dates and friends. The Marauders and their dates had great fun trying to find their table. 

They had a spectacular meal, but they were kind of immune to it as they had spectacular meals every day. Eventually, the tables rose up and cleared to the side, and modern music (both muggle and magical) came on. It was time to dance. 

Lily and James immediately made their way out to the floor, as did many other couples. They danced slowly in time with the music. Both had exceptional co-ordination, which made it easier for them to concentrate on the music rather than each other. James thought about how much Lily had changed in the time he'd known her. In his eyes, she had morphed from a mysterious, troubled enigma into a girl with passions, feelings, and much more life than what she used to have. He wondered what would happen when she went home for Christmas the next day. Would Mrs. Evans notice the change in her?

Lily thought of that night almost a week ago, where she made the resolve to face up to things. Was she doing this right? It seemed that although she was now unofficially dating James, she felt more connected with him than ever before, but at the same time estranged from him. It seemed that she had gained his "love", but lost his friendship. She was pondering this when Malfoy, whose suspension from school was apparently over, knocked into her, sending her flying out of James' arms and onto the floor. 

"Watch where you're going, Mudblood," he spat.

Lily was suprisingly unaffected. She, having only recently come into the magical word, had no real idea of what a Mudblood was, but she assumed it was something bad. At first, she recoiled on the floor in fear. Then, she remembered her "resolution" to take a stand. She didn't have the confidence to face up to Malfoy, so she stood and shakily walked out.

James looked about ready the pummel Malfoy, but Lily was his first priority, so he ran after her, letting the teachers take care of Lucius. 

He found her with no trouble outside of  the hall arms folded, looking like nothing was really wrong. He rushed up to her.

"Lily, are you alright? Are you hurt?" James came out with a barrage of questions, but Lily just sighed, and took a deep breath.

"I can't do this James," she said in a low, quiet voice, still a bit rusty from years of misuse (thanks Shortstuff10!).

James just looked bewildered. "Do what?" he asked.

"This," she replied, looking like she was about to cry. "I can't date you James, when you still treat me like a child. It's not fair on either of us. I don't get the room to grow that I need, and you won't get the respect you need from me," she sniffed. 

"Which is why I think we should spend some time apart. I need room to spread my wings, James. To mature without you, and grow up abit on my own. Which is why I also think – at this point she swallowed- that I don't need a protector anymore. I think that after the holidays I'll be able to protect myself, and won't need you to watch over me anymore. I'm sorry James. I'll see you after the holidays." 

Lily rushed off, leaving James just standing, there, alone, overwhelmed.

"I'll never stop watching over you ," he whispered, before heading to his room.

~*~

James felt really hurt by Lily, but at the same time encouraged. They could start something new, without the complications of Lily's "disability" that no longer existed. Besides, he had a surefire plan to get her back.

He would leave her over the holidays. Spend two whole weeks not owling her or anything. Give her room to grow.

Then he would get to know her as a friend. Talk to her, before rushing into anything. 

The next day, he met his dad at the train station and started telling him about his term at school. 

**A/N: Aww! They broke up! But not for long!!**

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**Okay. I've been slowly re-doing the chapters, so the first few are different, and eventually I'll do all but the last few. Don't bother reading them again , it's the same content but without the mistakes. **

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**Also, this story is not far from done, so I've made the descision to thank everyone at the end. Hope you all don't mind. If you email me though, or leave the address in your review, I'll email you back with a reply. **

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**Thanks ****SAVANNAH**** for kicking me in the butt!!**

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**Happy New Year!**

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**Lauz.******


	15. A Fragile Mind

**Sorry for not updating, but I went on holidays. But now I'm back, and this is the new chapter. It's so close to the end now!!! Only one chapter to go after this one!**

**Chapter 15 – A Fragile Mind.******

Lily was so excited about seeing her mother the next day that she practically jumped off the train and, after grabbing her bags, rushed through the barrier. More than a little uncharacteristic of Lily Evans, but she was being so unpredictable lately that James, watching her from a distance, didn't know what to think.

Mrs Evans didn't know what to expect. She wanted Lily to come back completely cured, but she knew that that just wasn't possible. She had seen Lily go through so many things that she thought it just wasn't possible.   
  
After her husbands' jail sentence, Mrs. Evans had fallen into the same pattern that she had all through school and before she even met him. When she was Lily's age (14, going on 15) she had been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, caused by a "chemical imbalance of the brain". In other words, at 14, she was not able to live a normal life because she had manic depression. She experienced amazing highs in which she felt invincible and could accomplish anything, and the next day incredible lows in which she just couldn't get out of bed.   
  
At that time, not many people knew or understood anything about Bipolar, and it made life incredibly hard. Of course, Mrs. Evans was on medication, but her fragile state of mind had soared downwards after the acid throwing incident. She was just glad she hadn't seen any of her symptoms in Lily. Yet.   
  
She knew doctors at a magical hospital had tried to do something with Lily's face (with her permission, of course), and she knew that Lily was supposed to be in very good care, but Lily was a funny person, and for all she knew she could have sunk even lower. So you can imagine her shock when a happy, beautiful girl with an acid-free face ran up to her and hugged her. Was this really her child?   
  
The deep darkness of her life took a definite upturn when Lily leant into her ear and whispered the first words she had heard from her in over three years.   
  
"I'm so happy to see you!".   
  
"I'm so happy to see YOU!" she replied, and hugged her even tighter.   
  
_Please don't let my daughter be insane_ she thought.

James was having a fairly mediocre Christmas with his father so far. After exchanging gifts under a plastic muggle tree his father had bought, they'd had a bacon and egg breakfast, and his father had to rush off somewhere. Something about trading some of his assets. So, James was left to spend Christmas with the house-elves. How fun.   
  
Not that he didn't like their company. It just wasn't the same as the Christmases they used to have together as a family. Before his mother had died.   
  
James didn't want to think about that, so he turned his mind to Lily instead. How much he was looking forward to building a clean, fresh relationship with her. How much better it would be than the last awkward attempt. So imagine his shock when he received an owl from Albus Dumbledore telling him that Lily had been re-admitted to muggle hospital and that he had better get there fast.   
  
~*~   
  
Mrs. Evans looked over at her daughter adoringly. How much better she had seemed. James, her "make-over" and letting her feelings out in her little green notebook must have all contributed to help her recover.   
  
Lily was sitting on the couch, reading a novel whilst looking up every now and again at the television. A movie had come on, and Lily sat up to watch it. They both smiled, enjoying the mother/daughter experience they hadn't had since that fateful day they had decided to bake cookies. For once, they both felt happy.   
  
So imagine Mrs. Evan's shock when Lily burst into tears and ran out of the room. She looked at the television and understood why.   
  
For on the screen one actor was throwing acid onto another.   
  
When Lily's mother finally found her in the cupboard under the stairs, Lily was such a wreck that she knew she had no choice but to take her back to the hospital.   
  
~*~

James was in a frenzy. What had happenned to Lily? Had she tried to kill herself? Or had her father come back or something? He didn't know, so by the time he managed to floo to the right place and follow Dumbledore's directions to the hospital, he was beside himself with worry.   
  
"What happened? Am I too late?" he yelled as he burst into a waiting room. Mrs. Evans looked up at him (since she was sitting down).   
  
"I don't know," she said quietly. "But," she continued, a tear leaking down her cheek "I think she's suffered a mental relapse."   
  
James was in shock. How could this have happened? She was so much better! So had gone so far!   
  
A doctor came out of the room he assumed Lily to be in and James pounced. "Are you the healer? What's wrong with her? Will she be alright?"   
  
The doctor looked at him strangely. "I'm the doctor, and I need to speak to Lily's parent or guardian," she said looking over her shoulder at Mrs. Evans. James turned around to see Dumbledore comforting her. After a few minutes, they all went into an empty room.   
  
"Lily, as you all know, is very delicate and fragile," the doctor began. "She, despite what you may be thinking right now, has improved dramatically. However, her recovery has been impaired by … something else,"   
  
"Mrs. Evans hung her head low, dreading what was to come.   
  
"Lily genetically, may have inherited possible mental diseases, but until now, no actual conditions have surfaced. But," she sighed. "It is likely that due to a high amount of stress and pressure, this has triggered the onset of Bipolar Disorder."   
  
Mrs. Evans started shaking. Dumbledore hung his head. James had no idea what was going on.   
  
"Bi-what?" he asked confusedly.   
  
"Bipolar disorder. Have a leaflet," said the doctor, handing one out to all of them containing information about the disease. After reading it through, James asked   
  
"So what do we do?"   
  
"Well," the doctor started "There is still a possibililty she can be saved. She will be put on anti-depressants, and with the right amount of love and care from family and friends, we could avoid this altogether,"   
  
Mrs. Evans looked relieved. Dumbledore smiled. James still had no idea what was going on.   
  
"It means," picked up Dumbledore "That if you keep her out of stress and trouble, and care for her properly, she can grow out of this stage and never have Bipolar in full,"   
  
"Oh…" was all James could say. Once again, he would get the chance to save Lily. It put his plans for their relationship a little out of joint, though. Then he hit a rock.   
  
"But..But.." James stuttered. "She told me she didn't want me around her anymore,"   
  
"I think she'll be needing you for a little while longer," said Dumbledore, smiling to himself.   
  
And that was how Lily spent the remainder of the Christmas holidays with James.

It was quite easy for James to get the permission from his father to stay at Lily's house over the holidays. His father was so busy that he would have said yes if James had asked his permission to get engaged.   
  
As James entered the tiny house with his trunk in tow, he looked around, trying to find some light. Even though it was midday, and both Lily and her mother knew he was arriving, the blinds were all shut and there wasn't a sound all throughout the house. James dragged his trunk into a corner, and came to a door, which he opened without making a sound – one of the many advantages to being a Marauder.   
  
Inside a small room slept Lily Evans, where everything was dark. There were no pretty ornaments, no posters on the wall, no nothing. It was a place where you could lose yourself in your sorrows. James knew what his job was.   
  
'Rise and shine Lily!" he yelled cheerfully, using his wands to bring the blinds up, so that the bright winter sun shone through onto her bed.   
  
Lily whimpered and put her head under her pillow, trying to avoid the fact that she was being made to get up and face the day.   
  
But in the end it wasn't so bad. James left her to get dressed, cooked her a hot breakfast as well as he knew how, and then dragged her out for a walk, pointing out butterflies and birds to her. On occasion, she smiled, a smile that James fell in love with all over again.   
  
When he took her back, Mrs. Evans had finally got up, but when they came in, she had an odd expression on her face. It was a mixture of sadness, and fear.   
  
"Lily," she said, in a voice not above a whisper. "Your father, he-he," she stopped to swallow.   
  
"He got released on parole today."

"He _WHAT?!_" So Lily was still speaking, James mused. She hadn't said anything when they went on their walk, but for the most part, James was just shocked. How could that have happened?

"But … I thought he had life sentence," said James, trying to get his head around the fact that Lily's worst nightmare, the man that had ruined her life, was coming back.

"He appealed," said Mrs. Evans shortly. "And he's coming over for dinner tonight.," 

Lily stood rigid, for almost a minute, then ran to her room, slamming the door behind her.

James was left facing Mrs. Evans.

"Why," she whispered. "Why does he want to come back?"

"Mrs. Evans," said James, jolting her out of her thoughts. "How is he allowed to come over for dinner?"

"He shouldn't be," she said, tears threatening to spill out of her eyes "But he is. Apparently he has every right to see his daughter. He wants to see Petunia too, but she's staying with a friend. He says," here, she sniffled. "That he's sorry and wants to make it up to us. To become a family again. I know I'm weak. I know I'll take him back. I know that I can't stop him hurting my girls again. Why? Hasn't he done enough damage?"

James didn't know what to say, so he slipped back into Lily's bedroom. She was lying on her bed, sobbing her heart out. She too was wondering what she had done to deserve this.

James crept forward and sat on the bed, and put a hand on her shoulder. Feeling his touch, she turned around and said, in a heartbroken voice

"I have no choice, do I? I can't run away any more. I have to face up to him…" she continues sobbing. James tried to comfort her the best he could.

"But it could be a good thing, Lily,"

"How could it be good? He'll do it again!"

"Or, he could be truly sorry for what he did and never hurt you again,"

Lily suddenly sat up.

"You're taking his side, aren't you? You can't do that! Not after all this! How could y-" James covered her mouth with his hand so he could talk.

"Of course I'm not taking his side, Lily, you know whatever happens, I'll always side with you! Okay, let's look at the worst case scenario. Your dad comes over tonight a psycho who wants to do the same thing again. I have floo powder, so we connect your house and take your mom and escape from him at Hogwarts. We put him in St. Mungos, and he never bothers us again. Simple as that," he clarifed.

"But what if it isn't?" she whispered. 

"We'll take it as it comes. We're in this together, you know," James felt closer to her than ever before. There was no denying his feelings for her hadn't died down. 

"Okay," she sniffled, and James took her back in the kitchen to get something to eat. He had a feeling that whaever the outcome of tonight, it would shape Lily more than anything else. This was her biggest chance to move on, accept what had happened and start up a new life, with James, her mother, and everyone else who loved her at Hogwarts. Or, she could sink even deeper. James just had to hope for the best. 

**Next chapter out very soon! Keep your eyes peeled as well, when I finish it I will start posting my new fic. It's called "Everybody's Fool!" **

**Thanks for reading!  **


	16. The End

**Chapter 16**

**The End**

Lily, James and Mrs. Evans spent the remainder of the afternoon getting the house ready, each thinking their own thoughts. Mrs. Evans was scared. How could her husband do this? Hurt them past the point of no return, and then come back into their lives?   
  
James was nervous and edgy. He was curious, and wanted to meet Mr. Evans, see if he had changed and wanted to live with them again, or if he was still the evil man that had destroyed the life of someone who was now one of his closest friends. Hopefully, after they got through this, more than friends. Lily had left their "break up" open ended, saying that she wasn't ready. When WAS she going to be ready?   
  
Lily's mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and fears, confusing her. Nightmares, memories, pain – all of these things were flooding back and she didn't feel that she could deal with it. She was jolted out of her whirlwind by James directing a question at her mother.   
  
"Excuse me, Mrs. Evans, but just how did he get out of jail," he said.   
  
"He appealed three times, on the grounds that it was a crime of passion and he did not mean it," she said in a monotone. "He presented a full apology and now he's out on parole and there's nothing I can do to stop it,"   
  
James noticed Mrs. Evans wasn't comforting Lily, or even speaking to her all that much. She was so caught up in her own pain that she couldn't see her daughter's problems were far worse, and that was sad. 

~*~   
  
It was six thirty, and everything was ready. The table was set, a casserole was cooking in the oven, and thanks to James' dad and the ministry, the fireplace was connected to the floo network. There were also five ministry Aurors down on the street, just in case something went wrong.   
  
James didn't really have an idea of what to expect. He had never known if Lily's dad was mean to her before the acid-throwing incident, or if it was a one off thing. He was so nervous he felt sick, so he could only imagine what Lily and her mom were feeling.   
  
The doorbell rang, and both Lily and her mother froze, paralyzed by fear and anticipation. When James realised neither of them were going to get it, he slowly walked over to the door and opened it a crack. A man stood there with a piece of paper in his hands, and James instantly recognized him as Lily's father from the newspaper article he'd read in his diary. He was older, and looked so much more tired and sad than what he had, but he was still the same person.   
  
"Er.." Lily's dad hesitated. "I think I must have come to the wrong address or something…"   
  
"No, this is it," replied James, not really sure whether to be friendly or not. He decided to play it cool for the moment. "Come in."

"Thanks," said Mr. Evans, sliding past him.   
  
James surveyed him from behind. Mr. Evans was only a little bit taller than James, and looked tired and sad. He found it hard to believe that this man had literally scarred Lily for life. Needless to say, the moment he peered into the small kitchen where Lily and her mother were standing, still frozen, was more than a little awkward.   
  
In fact, it would have been one of those cringe-worthy incidents to laugh about at family birthday parties and the like years later, except that after tonight, Mr. Evans would not be present at family get-togethers …   
  
The unusual group had just sat down to dinner. So far, all had not been going so well. Mrs. Evans was nervous and stuttered often, talking about stupid things like how raspberries weren't in season for very long. Mr. Evans didn't seem all that thrilled.   
  
Lily, on the other hand, was a jumpy rabbit. James, even when she first arrived at Hogwarts, had never seen her so scared. She continually looked down, not even bothering to look like she was eating, giving her father that famous "silent treatment". Her hair, like it used to, hung all over her face, masking the fact that her scars were now removed.   
  
And James? He was just stuck in the middle, trying to make conversation when nobody but Mr. Evans really wanted to speak to him anyway.   
  
Up until dinner, Mr. Evans, although looking so much older, came off as an extremely jovial man, who spoke mostly to James, because Lily and her mother were too scared.   
  
"So, James, why are you here?" he asked, digging into his casserole.   
  
"Oh, I'm a friend from Lily's school," said James.   
  
Mrs. Evans' head snapped up.   
  
"Which school would that be?" he asked, giving a hint of an edge to his voice.

James' mind went into panic mode. For the first time, Mr. Evans' eyes glazed over, like some crazed Jekyll and Hyde who had just begun to show his true colours and morph into Hyde.   
  
He knew if he said Hogwarts, Mr. Evans could get out of control and do something drastic. And in fact, right then he was practically tearing his casserole apart with his steak knife, waiting for an answer. James knew it would be dangerous if he told the truth.   
  
But then, what was the point in lying? If Mr. Evans wanted to start over with his family again, lying definitely wasn't the best way to do it. James knew that Mr. Evans didn't want Lily going to Hogwarts and that was what sparked the fight leading to him throwing acid. James was torn; he didn't know what to say. But then Lily answered for him.   
  
In the first words she had said all night, she whispered to him "Hogwarts."   
  
James pressed a tiny buzzer in his pocket that would send the Aurors up to the apartment.

Mr. Evans' eyes widened, his old tired eyeballs dangerously close to popping out of his head. 

"I didn't quite hear that," he said, ever so softly. 

Lily was visibly shaking, but she opened her mouth again, and said, a little louder "Hogwarts".

Mr. Evans stood up in a rage, his hand knocking his casserole on to the floor. He began yelling and screaming while Mrs. Evans whimpered, James looked on in astonishment and slight fear, and Lily just sat frozen. 

"HOW DARE YOU GO TO THAT HELL-HOLE OF A SCHOOL! THE ENTIRE ACCIDENT WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED IF WE WEREN'T ARGUING ABOUT IT! HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID! BOTH OF YOU!"

Mr. Evans was now waving his steak knife dangerously, and James was relieved when the two Aurors stormed into the apartment, wands at ready. Mr. Evans didn't even see them before he was stupefied and bound up. 

James could do nothing but watch sadly as they flooed to the ministry, taking Mr. Evans with them for mental health tests. He put his arm around Lily's shoulder and did nothing but stand there and comfort her as she cried into her shoulder. 

"I thought he would be different … I thought he'd changed …" Lily was saying through muffled sobs. "Why? Why, just for once, can't I have a normal family …"

"It's alright Lily," muttered James. He wanted to be part of her family, and make it better for her, but he couldn't just say that, could he?

~*~

The next day, James took Lily and Mrs. Evans to the ministry to find out what happened to Mr. Evans. Still shaken from the night before, nobody said anything during the car ride, and when they got into the ministry's main foyer, they were surprised to see Albus Dumbledore standing there, waiting for them. 

"Come this way," he said, with a thin smile that didn't really reach his eyes.

Dumbledore led them through a maze of hallways, ending in a small holding cell for people not been sentenced to jail or not sick enough to be admitted to hospital. On a blue, neatly laid bed in one of those cells lay Mr. Evans, passed out. 

Dumbledore turned to a ministry worker, dressed in green standing near them.   
  


"Hal, can you tell Mr. Evans' family what's happening?"

"Well," Hal began, in a slightly nasal voice. "It seems that Mr. Evans here has been cooped up in jail for so long that he harbored intense feelings of hatred and disgust for all things magical. Running a series of pensieve-like tests, we have determined that what he is feeling inside is not safe to others, and would do best in a muggle mental institution."

"So…" began James. "He really is just a psycho out to hurt everyone?"

"Pretty much," agreed Hal. "It would be best for y'all just to move on. He needs solitary confinement because of his bitter thoughts,"

"Why?" asked Mrs. Evans softly. "What did he do to make this happen?"

"It's all in control, really. If there are things in a persons life they feel they can't control, then some have to shut it out, or try and put a stop to it. Mr. Evans couldn't control your daughter's magical talent and her thirst for learning, so he tried to put a stop to it by hurting you, m'am but instead hit your daughter. It's wrong, but true,"

"I'm ready to go," said Lily softly. 

"Fantastic, then," said Dumbledore, looking a bit happier. "Why don't we all go out for a Chinese lunch?"

So, after casting one last look in the direction of her father, Lily turned and left, James' arm around her. James was elated. Maybe, just maybe, she was finally letting go.

~*~

It was the day before Lily and James took the Hogwarts Express back to the next school term, and James was laying on his back at the park near Lily's house, thinking. Thinking about Lily and how she was coping. It was a week after they left Mr. Evans at the ministry cell, and Lily had cried a lot since then. She was also a lot happier. She could finally just try and forget about him, and move on in the magical world. It seemed to James that although it was one of his more scary experiences, it had turned out for the better. He knew that there was no magic cure for Lily, but she seemed to be recovering well, and enjoying life. He didn't have to drag her out of bed everyday, or try and motivate her to do her essays; she did so many more things by her self now.

She was talking more as well. About trivial things, like the weather or the bird's nest in the tree on the other side of the park. She seemed so much more alive than what she used to, and he was beginning to wonder what his chances were with dating her.

He cast his mind back to before the holidays. 

_I need room to spread my wings, James. To mature without you, and grow up a bit on my own._

Had she matured on her own? Or was she still the frightened little girl she was when she came to Hogwarts? James honestly didn't know.

~*~

Lily and James picked out their own compartment on the Hogwarts express and sat down. Remus, Sirius and Peter hadn't gone home for Christmas, so Lily and James sat alone, anticipating going back to school. After a train ride of mostly silence, they picked out a carriage and made their way back to greet their friends at school. 

Predictably, Sirius was all over Lily and James like a rash when they arrived, and Remus and Peter greeted them both quietly. The five made their way to the feast, the boys all talking about what they did over the holidays. 

The boys had advanced a bit in their Animagus potion, and they predicted that by the end of the year it would be ready to use. The whole group ate in silence, too busy savoring the tastes of the feast to chatter. That was, until Lily said quietly

"Pass the butter,"

Sirius' head snapped up, and Peter and Remus stopped chewing. James just smiled, proud of her. 

"You ….  You … _talked_!" gasped Sirius dramatically, standing up with turkey hanging out the side of his mouth. He had already attracted the attention of most of Gryffindor. 

"Yeah," said Lily quietly, turning red. "Can I have the butter now?"

Remus wordlessly passed it to her, and Lily began to butter her roll.

Sirius was still just standing there speechless.

"Sit down, Padfoot," grinned James, and Sirius sat.

"So…" he began, with a devilish grin on his face. "What exactly have you two been up to over Christmas?"

~*~

While Lily had her shower later that night, James told Sirius and Remus everything. (Peter was off somewhere). 

It felt so much better, mused James, to get everything off your chest and confide in your friends. He had even told them about his and Lily's brief "relationship".

"So you gonna ask her out again?" asked Remus, slightly shocked all this had been going on without him knowing

"Nah," said James. "I'll just wait for her to make the first move,"

"Why? You're the one that's supposed to do that?!" exclaimed Sirius. "You're a guy! Remember?"

"Yes, I know I'm a guy," said James, throwing up his hands in exasperation. "I just don't want to push it,"

"Do it when it feels right James, or otherwise you'll be waiting forever," advised Remus.

They heard the shower turn off, and minutes later Lily slipped out in her pajamas, red hair sopping.

Remus and Sirius stood up. 

"WE'LL JUST BE GOING NOW!" yelled Sirius, looking pointedly at James.

"YEAH, DO WHATEVER YOU THINK YOU NEED TO DO!" added Remus, and they left the room, leaving Lily and James alone. Lily just shrugged, and sat down on the side of the bed.

"James," began Lily awkwardly. "I need to tell you something."

"Okay," said James, focusing on Lily (as if he already wasn't).

"I think," she started off, wringing her hands. "I think … over the past two weeks I've grown up a lot, and we've been able to talk to each other much better, right?"

"Right …" agreed James, hoping this was going where he thought it was.

"So … I see you a bit differently now. More as a friend than a protector. Right?"

"Right …" said James again, while Lily grew even more anxious. 

"So I was thinking … that I still think I have feelings for you and stuff so …. Would you er … like to get back together again?"

James' heart soared. He grinned and put his arms around her waist.

"Let's take it slow this time, okay?"

"Of course," agreed Lily, the happiest he'd ever seen her. 

James rested his head on top of hers, thinking about how easy she was to get along with. So good-looking, too. They shared a sweet, chaste kiss, before James pulled back and grinned.

"So," he said. "Ready to surprise everyone by talking in class tomorrow?"

~*~

_Lily's last ever diary entry._

_11th January_

_Dear Diary,_

_When I felt my whole world was falling apart again, I wondered why I just couldn't be normal, like everyone else. But, looking back on it with a different perspective, maybe being different was what gave me everything I love most – my education, my friends, and James._

_My life will never be normal, and I accept that now. I'm just happy for what I have, someone who likes me for me, no pity, no nothing. I started writing in this notebook for someone to talk to. I have that now. For the first time in a long while, I have friends who care about me and will always stick by me. And I have James, who is so much more a friend to me than I ever was to him, and now he is something more than that. So, diary, I don't really need you anymore. I have everything (and everyone) I need to get by in life._

_I'm glad I confessed my feelings to James. Dumbledore was right in the end. Love is everything, because with love there comes faith and hope._

_Lily_

**THE END**

**Go to the next chapter for thankyous to everyone who reviewed chapters 1-15**


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